Are marriages on sale?
With changing norms of the society and the glitter that is added to the sparkling matrimonial advertisements, has the meaning of marriage really changed for the youth today or it still remains as red-hot as ever?.
"BAHUT FIGHT hai market mein," says 28-year-old Dr Vinay Sharma on the issue of finding a much needed ‘suitable’ match for himself. Here market implies ‘shaadi-ka-market’, yes bride and grooms on sale! It sounds funny but have you ever read a matrimonial where the girl or the guy is short, dark or not earning well?
In the world we live in today, are relationships not real anymore? One doesn’t has to compromise or adjust for the other, rather people try and find a person who suits their needs, fits into the mould they want him\her to get into. Of course there is nothing wrong in looking for partners through advertisements, but certainly the ‘fair-tall-beautiful convent educated but homely’ (sic), and the ‘fair handsome tall and earning hefty salary’ is a cliché that sounds more like items on sale, but perhaps these are descriptions of two people trying to get married.
Getting married is a gamble of sorts. No one knows what one is looking for and what eventually would happen. Confusions are bound to come in. As Suman Singh, a 24-year-old textile designer says, "Though I want to get married but I don’t really want any responsibilities on my head. I am very clear about one fact that I definitely cannot manage in-laws and all… as it is I keep so busy."
Levianer Silalahi’s documentry ‘Marriages For Sale’ is a distressing tale on the phenomenon of ‘contract marriages’.
But change happens despite resistance(s). A sociology professor at Jamia Milia Islamia (JMI) Dr Manisha Tripathy states that in the ever-changing social scenarieo where India is moving towards a capitalistic economy there are two aspects, which are coming to the fore. One that the urban youth today are looking for a ‘working-better-half’. It is practical to keep up with various economic pressures, and of course, healthy living. Another positive facet that has come up is that today the youth looks for ‘companionship more than just a relationship’.
She explains that there are pressures and tiffs because of lesser time that the couple get to spend with each other, but the value of a companion has become very important. The world has changed from a stage where the parteners were together only in bed. Today, they look for a friend in each other.
The youth is still carrying the burden of a patriarchial society that we have where the female is considered to be a second sex, as stated by Simone de Beauvoir, a French author and philosopher in her book ‘Second Sex’. A girl has to go through the age old process of ’being chosen’ (rejection is implied). But again, there are changes in this aspect too as today even the girls have become smarter.
Surbhika Maheshwari, a professor of Phsychology at Indra Prastha College, Delhi University says, "Marriages are changing with the changing social structure." There is nothing about the whole process of choosing, getting married and thereafter that was – say 10 years ago. Though dowry as a social evil has not exactly been eradicated from the society but yet it has beocome disguised. But at the same time, she says, girls today are more free to make demands as well and know what they want, no girl (urban youth) is ready to get married to a guy who’s not earning well, or living in those fancy houses with flashy cars. Today, a girl can and does say no to ten guys, which was possibly unimaginable a decade ago.
Though the markeeters are trying to fill their bags with lucrative matrimonial ads, trying to promote themselves but the youth knows what it wants from life, a wee bit better than their parents, says Preeti.
Sneha Bansal, a 26-year-old HR with an MNC says, "I have my ideas of what I want from marriage and that is what I will get because I am clear in my head. Though I had to get a fancy picture clicked to be sent for my matrimonial but at the end of the day, I will have the choice to choose. And I know my parents won’t let me down, they are looking for a guy who can take my nakhras. I won’t marry just about anyone."
However, Sneha opined that though her parents might not approve it, she does not mind experimenting with prospective partners. "It is important to know each other well. How else can one jhelo each other," she adds with a smile. Surbhika adds, "Today’s generation is much more individualistic. This Geni does not hold the institution of marriage as sanctimonious, a commitment for Saat Janam (read lifelong). They walk out of marriages at the drop of a hat. Is this fair?"
There is a lot of difference in marriages in urban and rural set up. And in the upper middle and lower middle class. But one aspect remains common in all. Generation today is pro-marriage. Perceptions and ideas may vary, but marriages are certainly still the most ‘in’ thing.
In the world we live in today, are relationships not real anymore? One doesn’t has to compromise or adjust for the other, rather people try and find a person who suits their needs, fits into the mould they want him\her to get into. Of course there is nothing wrong in looking for partners through advertisements, but certainly the ‘fair-tall-beautiful convent educated but homely’ (sic), and the ‘fair handsome tall and earning hefty salary’ is a cliché that sounds more like items on sale, but perhaps these are descriptions of two people trying to get married.
Getting married is a gamble of sorts. No one knows what one is looking for and what eventually would happen. Confusions are bound to come in. As Suman Singh, a 24-year-old textile designer says, "Though I want to get married but I don’t really want any responsibilities on my head. I am very clear about one fact that I definitely cannot manage in-laws and all… as it is I keep so busy."
Levianer Silalahi’s documentry ‘Marriages For Sale’ is a distressing tale on the phenomenon of ‘contract marriages’.
But change happens despite resistance(s). A sociology professor at Jamia Milia Islamia (JMI) Dr Manisha Tripathy states that in the ever-changing social scenarieo where India is moving towards a capitalistic economy there are two aspects, which are coming to the fore. One that the urban youth today are looking for a ‘working-better-half’. It is practical to keep up with various economic pressures, and of course, healthy living. Another positive facet that has come up is that today the youth looks for ‘companionship more than just a relationship’.
She explains that there are pressures and tiffs because of lesser time that the couple get to spend with each other, but the value of a companion has become very important. The world has changed from a stage where the parteners were together only in bed. Today, they look for a friend in each other.
The youth is still carrying the burden of a patriarchial society that we have where the female is considered to be a second sex, as stated by Simone de Beauvoir, a French author and philosopher in her book ‘Second Sex’. A girl has to go through the age old process of ’being chosen’ (rejection is implied). But again, there are changes in this aspect too as today even the girls have become smarter.
Surbhika Maheshwari, a professor of Phsychology at Indra Prastha College, Delhi University says, "Marriages are changing with the changing social structure." There is nothing about the whole process of choosing, getting married and thereafter that was – say 10 years ago. Though dowry as a social evil has not exactly been eradicated from the society but yet it has beocome disguised. But at the same time, she says, girls today are more free to make demands as well and know what they want, no girl (urban youth) is ready to get married to a guy who’s not earning well, or living in those fancy houses with flashy cars. Today, a girl can and does say no to ten guys, which was possibly unimaginable a decade ago.
Though the markeeters are trying to fill their bags with lucrative matrimonial ads, trying to promote themselves but the youth knows what it wants from life, a wee bit better than their parents, says Preeti.
Sneha Bansal, a 26-year-old HR with an MNC says, "I have my ideas of what I want from marriage and that is what I will get because I am clear in my head. Though I had to get a fancy picture clicked to be sent for my matrimonial but at the end of the day, I will have the choice to choose. And I know my parents won’t let me down, they are looking for a guy who can take my nakhras. I won’t marry just about anyone."
However, Sneha opined that though her parents might not approve it, she does not mind experimenting with prospective partners. "It is important to know each other well. How else can one jhelo each other," she adds with a smile. Surbhika adds, "Today’s generation is much more individualistic. This Geni does not hold the institution of marriage as sanctimonious, a commitment for Saat Janam (read lifelong). They walk out of marriages at the drop of a hat. Is this fair?"
There is a lot of difference in marriages in urban and rural set up. And in the upper middle and lower middle class. But one aspect remains common in all. Generation today is pro-marriage. Perceptions and ideas may vary, but marriages are certainly still the most ‘in’ thing.
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