Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise.
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts

Monday, January 5, 2009

Detecting God

My phone ranged “hello”
The voice” hello how are you”
I can recognize the voice but was slightly confused so I said” who is it?”
The voice” ha ha ha”
Me:”Aryan?”
The voice” yes”
Me: "Whose no is this?”
Aryan:” Didi (elder sister) new no”
Me: "ok, when u coming?”
Aryan:”tomorrow”

Aryan is my nephew (my eldest sis son). He is studying in Bishop Cotton’s boarding, Shimla.
Sister and Brother-in-law expired last year leaving their kids Aryan(12yrs) and
Anouska(17 yrs) in this malicious world. It’s been tuff time since then.
Life took to a downslide which still continues. The nastiest segment continues,
some left us some unfaltered to come back again. My doors are opened for
anyone to enter and exit. Probably knowing that come what may &
what ever it takes I have to live and continue fighting, no matter what.
The purpose of this post was to tell u an interesting story about Aryan.
Once I asked him” what you want to become in Life?”
He said “ A detective”
I was flabbergasted and asked “why?”
He said: " grand pa & you say mom and dad has gone to God, so I want to be detective
and find out where he in fact lives”
I again was taken aback & asked ” But why”
Aryan: “ to ask why he(God) took my parents”

There was very less I could have said after that, so just hugged him.Its not
tuff time which breaks us but more than that approach of people around you.
Some decided to leave some joined and life moves on.
Life is strange, stranger are the ways of it, strangest are we so-called humans.

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Sunday, December 7, 2008

An Award

I received this award from Old Lady Lincoln and I am to pass this award on to 8 people. I find it very, very hard to choose just 8, and I see some of you that I would like pass this on to have already received it. I am very pleased to pass this award on to the following 8 blogs:-

  • 1. Exploring India. A Photo blog of my school mate Prachi from New Delhi, India which has pictures of diffrent cities of India.
  • 2. In Loving Memory of Mahendra. Very nice and touching blog of a true fighter by every strech of imagination by Tripti Joshi from Singapore basically from India. *Must visit.
  • 3.Nituscorner A cute photo blog of a Dentist named Nitu Pandey from Shilong,Meghalaya,India. Very nice blog and one of the must visit, i found her blog containing some beautiful natural captures.*Must visit
  • 4. Avinash the Pariah. Another blog of the administrator of this blog, a complete analysis of latest issues of our nation India.
  • 5. Kuchlamhe. A poetry blog of Seema Gupta from Gurgaon, Haryana, India, some very touching and outstanding poem touching human heart deep inside.*Must visit.
  • 6.Simply me. A blog by young and energetic mehreen of Pakistan contains some great work of fiction.
  • 7.Vyom ke paar. A superb blog by Alpana Verma from Abu Dhabi, UAE.Faboulous writing skills.
  • 8. Sanguine Life A beautiful blog by Mumbaikar Vinisha, contains some very fabolous and intresting writing. *Must visit.

Apparently who ever receives the award is to pass it on to 8 friends. I know how busy most are, especially this time of year, so I won't be upset if you can't do it.Also this was sent along saying that "Blogs that receive this award are 'exceeding charming,' says its author. This blog invests and believes in the PROXIMITY-nearness in space, time and relationships. These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement! Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this clever-written text into the body of their award."In order to view their blogs, please click their name.

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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Fallen Prey to Paranormal Situation

Today I would like to tell you about something which I haven’t told you ever before. It is so surprising that I can perceive the demise of anyone I know, say 3-4 days before the death of the person, when eeriness sets in. I can’t guess the person who would die, but be it in seclusion or flocked around by people, during that period, I get the feeling as if someone else is with me, whom I can’t feel through any of my sensory organs, but he (I can’t explain why I think It to be a ‘He’) comes to stay near me. He is made up of ethereal body. ‘He’ moves around me but how I perceive ‘him’ I can’t explain that even.But the moment the person dies, that eeriness as well as those weird feelings vanishes without leaving behind any trace of it. I feel relieved. As I have learned from different instances and situations from others, it is ‘after’ the death of a person that we might feel eerie, but for me it happens ‘before’ the demise. It all started when in August 1996, I newly arrived in Sharjah and it being a totally unknown place to me, I was too scared to move around alone. I found comfort at home, so never moved out if not with my husband. But one afternoon I felt such a discomfort, such an eerie chill ran down my spine (mind you I did not see or hear anyone or anything) that I for the first time stepped out of my home, all alone, out in the scorching, blazing summer heat of the overhead sun of Sharjah – helplessly unaware of what to do. It was such a traumatic phase, I went through. Where so ever I went, but I just couldn’t be at home and that’s it! I don’t know why but I couldn’t tell my husband about this incident at that point of time. Fearing that he might insist me to go back home, I sat there in a nearby park, under a date tree, the whole day.

Ooff! It was so hot! In the evening I returned to sit in the lobby of the apartment, waiting for my husband to return. Seeing me there, he too was astonished but I faked saying that I was there to surprise him. After returning home I got back the tranquil again. That evening, we received a call from Kolkata, from my parents breaking the news that my beloved Granny passed away that very afternoon, and later I could relate the hour of her termination. She was suffering from malaria and I was not informed of the ill health condition to keep me away from worries.

That was the beginning. Since then who so ever I know passes away, casts a lot of fear and discomfort in me. My Grandpa breathed his last breath during my stay in Bahrain. He died of old age, suffering from no disease as such, but only weakness. Till the last moment he was talking. Then how come even before his soul departed from the body, I could feel someone’s presence near me? There was as if another person living with me. It was such an unnerving situation.

My Uncle died when I was residing in Jordan. I knew he was suffering from cancer and was in the last stage. I could predict his waning days picking up hints from my past experiences. Once again there was some foreign soul dwelling with me, so near me that I could feel his touch as if yet not. He snooped in all my matters, yet nowhere to be perceived with real senses. All alone in my home, when in one afternoon I was working in the kitchen, I could feel the presence very strongly. It was very near me, peeping over my shoulder trying to pry on my activity from behind. This time I desperately wanted to comprehend the spirit and then gathering all my senses I waited with an activated mind to apprehend what so ever signal I can catch up with to bring to fruition the identity of this spirit. I desperately wanted to see it. All my rumination was shattered when I was startled when I could distinctly feel his breath upon my bare shoulder.

My heart skipped a beat and I swirled around to find nothing behind me. Horrified, I somehow managed to take the keys and ran to my neighbor's house, only to return after my husband was back. I narrated the incident to my husband but he only laughed at it. I felt quite humiliated and that night I had made up my mind not to feel afraid the next day. The next day too the inkling situation lingered, but I tried to dispense it with blasting music and gardening. I also invited a few of my friends for lunch. They stayed till nightfall and by the time they were gone my hubby was back too. But all this while of fun-filled activities I failed to ignore the ethereal presence. The next day seemed miraculously bright. All the worries gone, I felt an ambience of peace and emancipation. But then what I have learnt from my past experiences also ticked behind the back of my mind. But then without further justification I called up my mother to know from her how my Mama was doing? She asked me to guess. From what I have learned from my previous experiences, I told her that I thought he was no more. I was banged to realize that my forewarning was valid. He passed away the night before. I was very upset and wept the whole day, but did not sense the company of any unearthly being any more. I did not even feel the fear of any ghost after the death of Mamu. After this incident I resided in Jordan for another couple of years but never again felt such paranormal situation.

After that I next set up my home in Kolkata, amongst my known circle of friends and relatives. I thought may be falling prey to the solitude abroad, I happened to experience such incidents. But here too, one afternoon I was working in the kitchen and I felt someone pass by the door. I thought it was my Ma because we two were the only ones at home at that time of the day. She was actually supposed to sleep then, so I started talking to her, asking her if she way through with her afternoon siesta. But when she did not reply, I went out to check for her and was surprised to find her still fast asleep on her bed in her room. Then whose presence could I sense?

I ignored that incident until soon one evening I was in my room painting a piece of art. My Ma had gone to her friend’s home with my son and only Papa was at home. It was the hot month of May so the AC was on and so my door was shut. All of a sudden I heard a knock on the door. I thought it to be my Papa and so asked him to come in. After a little while again there was a knock. So I had to come out thinking Papa couldn’t hear me. But there was no one there! Sparing my room the rest of the rooms were in total darkness. Switching on the corridor light I went to my Papa’s room to find nobody there. When I neared the main entrance, I found his home slippers near the shoe-rack. That means he was not at home. I thought may be he couldn’t hear me from the other side of the door and so went out. But then what is it that he wanted to tell me? I called him up on his cell. He said that he knew I was busy with the painting stuff and so he had left for the evening walk quite some time ago, without even disturbing me. And he definitely did not knock the door! That very evening, pretty late I received a call from my friend that his father breathed his last breath a little while ago.

None of these abnormal happenings ever came without a subsequent cause. It happened once when I did feel encased in a similar sinister atmosphere, but then one fine day it all passed away, and no such message of death reached me. I have the habit of jotting down a few lines in my diary everyday. This deviant occurrence too was recorded in those pages. A year later as I sat to tidy up my bookshelves, I recovered a lost phone book. As I flicked through its pages I came across the phone number of one of my friends in Jordan. She was a Jordanian and was quite a good friend of mine. She couldn’t speak in English but with the aid of my very little knowledge of Arabic, we had bridged friendship. She happened to love me quite a bit.

After a long gap I was to reconnect with her. I dialed her number excitedly. Her husband answered from the other end. When I asked for my friend, he shocked me with the news that my friend Khadejah was no more! She suffered a death from cancer a year back. I was deeply grief-stricken. All these days, never a day passed when I did not remember her. May be far away from my sight, but very near to my heart she resided. I never again contacted her after I left Jordan but I could never think that she would have died so young. When actually she no more, she reigned in my heart, hail and hearty. It was a real blow to my mind. After a few days I just sat to relate the last spectral event with the news of my friend’s death. I was stunned to correlate that it was during that stressful period of my last mental turmoil that Khadejah departed from this life. What do you have to say about this?

Then again I am really moved with this recent happening when just last week, again that premonition phenomenon revisit. Especially when I used to go to sleep on the bed, I could feel uneasiness. I used to feel so helplessly scared that I made it a point so that my Mom would sleep with me. For a couple of nights, even with her by my side, I failed to get sound sleep. I could create a picture in my mind of a person standing very near my bed’s head board – just standing and watching me. But I actually could see no one. Then just yesterday I got the news of the death of another uncle of mine. What is all this happening to me, can you tell me?

Apart from all this, there are instances when with no rational explanation, I seem to release weak electricity which I can feel of course, and also the other person whom I have touched. It leaves me with a stinging sensation on my finger tip when this happens. Till now it has happened around 4 times very prominently.

Believe me, all this has been happening with me and the spirit’s presence alarms me and makes me feel very sick. I feel so helpless and weak. I don’t want this to happen to me anymore. Why is it that I should get the sense of foreboding the hint of the demise of my known people? I feel very frightened of all this, but I haven’t seen any ghost as such. I never had any dreams revealing the future. Am I the kind of individual with whom the deceased soul s want to communicate. Do they want to tell me something? If I can calm down my heart to pay attention to their indication, would they want to share something with me? I don’t thing they would harm me. But then, why me? – why was I chosen to feel this way? I do wonder at times, am I the person whom I know… or may be a different being, still shrouded under many veils of un-enlightenment!



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Thursday, November 20, 2008

Behind the Scene

As Pooja arranged the luggage systematically, her movements showed those very signs of animation and alertness, which are so typical of any passenger who has just boarded a train. Meanwhile, Upamanyu had taken out the tickets from his pocket to see if they tallied with the numbers on their berths. It was a two-day journey. If one found the space to settle down comfortably, and stretch a bit, Pooja thought, what more would one ask for. Why do people make so much fuss over this two-day affair? As if the space belonged to them eternally! Pooja pushed the handbag and suitcase under the seat to which she then fastened them. This time she did not have her usual 5-litre water jug. She had brought instead two smaller bottles of water. Putting them away, she asked Upamanyu, ‘Shall I take out your slippers?’
Wait until the train starts moving.’ He said. ‘What’s the hurry about?’

Pooja said, ‘None at all, but who will do this again and again?’

‘Okay, then, take them out. I shall go down and loiter on the platform. Don’t panic; I shall board the train in time.’

Pooja pulled out the slippers from the bag. She also took out two books from it. One was The Early History of the Jews and the other one was The Purple Sea. They had bought the books in Delhi, and Pooja had kept them in the handbag, handy, in case they got bored during the journey. What better way to pass the time than reading?

After all that exertion, Pooja realized that it was hot. How could the AC compartment get so hot, she wondered. Just then, two passengers occupied the vacant seats opposite theirs. Both were women. One was somewhat fat, but quite beautiful, in salwar and kameez. The other one was slim, and wore jeans and a T-shirt. She sported short hair too, like boys. They had a lot of luggage: Three handbags, two big suitcases, one 5-litre water jug, and a largish carry-bag. Pooja thought that the two women were mother and daughter. Their baggage made the place quite congested. The jeans-clad ‘girl’ was quite smart.

After packing the space below their seat with their luggage, she shoved the rest into the empty space below Pooja’s berth. She pushed aside Pooja’s bottles with a karate chop and placed her own jug there. She stepped on to the seat, unhinged the upper berths effortlessly, and hooked them on to the wall. Now their side looked roomier. Pooja thought of doing the same thing. When she got on to the seat, and tried to push the berth up, she found it too heavy to lift. Presently she returned to her seat and sat near the window, looking out silently. Once she had tried to see the two fellow passengers through the corner of her eyes.

The one she had taken to be the mother, had eyes as heavy and compassionate as the monsoon clouds. The posture in which the ‘girl’ in jeans sat looked rather odd to Pooja. One could have even mistaken her for a boy, she thought.

Pooja told herself, if the fellow-passengers are interesting, the journey becomes that much bearable. Who knows how far they would travel or what kind of people they were? On her onward journey, she had nice fellow passengers. The guy on the upper berth had slept through the journey. The lady on the lower berth was from Madhya Pradesh. She was a schoolmistress. Her husband was a doctor in a medical college. She had kept talking about him all through the journey. Her husband was not in favor of eating more than one roti. If one overate, he would insist, one became fat. And fat was bad for health, he would explain. He paid a lot of attention to exercise, but when it came to reading, he was a bookworm. He used to stay up until late in the night to read, and the schoolmistress’s sleep was disturbed whenever he turned the pages. Sometimes he would study in the kitchen for fear of upsetting her. She had said that she was visiting her parents, and was now returning to her own place.

Upon this, Pooja had asked her about her children. ‘Oh, no, no. I do not have any kids,’ the schoolmistress had shot back. ‘To tell you the truth I do not like babies at all, they mess up the household, shit and urinate, I can’t manage all that!’ Pooja had expressed surprise. She had met many types of women in her life. But that any woman would not want to have babies just because they might dirty the household or defecate, was beyond her. She concluded that the woman was fibbing. She could not have babies, so she had taken recourse to lying. So what, if she didn’t have babies? Everyone had some shortcoming or the other.

The lady had treated Pooja and Upamanyu to some snacks she had brought from home, and coffee from the pantry. Pooja too had reciprocated her gesture by offering the lady some sweets and soft drinks. “My father was worried when he came to see me off, how I would be able to travel all alone. I told him, ‘Don’t you worry. One made the best of friends on trains.” Pooja had kept chatting with her for most of the time, falling silent only when she could not help admiring the Sundargarh forests. But who knew how the return journey would be like?

Suddenly the train moved, like someone lazily waking up from a slumber. Though Upamanyu had asked her not to panic, Pooja got a little worried. Since she hadn’t had time enough to assess the integrity of fellow-passengers, she couldn’t leave her seat. Soon, however, Upamanyu appeared, and Pooja asked him why he had delayed so much. “Why, you thought the train will leave me behind?” Upamanyu joked.

Pooja said, “You have the habit of getting on to the train in the last minute. It is no longer as of old. You are getting on.”

“Is it not very hot?” asked Upmanyu.

“Why don’t you lift our berth?” Pooja said.

Upamanyu removed his shoes, and climbed on to the lower berth, lifted the middle one, and fastened it to the hooks.

Pooja said, “Now it is a little more comfortable. Isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Pooja had kept the two books on the seat.

She asked, “Which one will you read?”

“Any of the two will do.” replied Upamanyu.

Taking out his reading glasses from his pocket, he turned the pages of The Purple Sea. Pooja picked up the other book and sat near the window. Since the light was inadequate she switched on the light and said, “these days I cannot see clearly.”

“You too need your reading glasses.”

After this the couple were immersed in their respective worlds.

It was difficult for Pooja to concentrate on the book, what with constant movement of the railway staff, the pantry men, and the vibrations of the train.

After a while, Upamanyu offered her a packet of cigarettes. She was surprised but then thought he was up to some trick, and took the packet from him. She noticed some scribbling on it. It was Upamanyu’s:

“Observe the two women in front of you.”

Giving the packet back, she gave Upamanyu a quizzical look. But he did not respond. Then she observed the two women. Both of were beautiful; but one of them appeared somewhat rough. Pooja thought that if she had been wrapped around in a sari, and wore a little shyness on her face, she would be a dream for any man. But she wore such a roughness on her face that it banished any trace of softness it may have had. On the other hand, the other ‘woman’ brimmed with such softness that with a little jerk it threatened to spill like cream.

Pooja remembered that when the two boarded the train first, the plump ‘woman’ had moist eyes, and the ‘girl’ in jeans asked her, “Come on, now. What is it?” and gently stroked her cheeks. Pooja assumed that she was one of those who always cried while parting from their near and dear ones. But, then the ‘girl’ with jeans asked her in the same roughness of voice that Pooja associated with the grating of two hard stones. If indeed they were mother and daughter, they must be of opposite nature. Now Pooja was almost certain that they were not mother and daughter. The ‘girl’ in jeans asked her partner, “How about some mango?” The plump ‘woman’ looked shyly and smiled. She had a lovely smile.

Meanwhile the ‘girl’ had taken out some mangoes from the airbag, and cut them into slices and offered a few to her partner. In her turn, the ‘woman’ scooped some juice out of the mango and offered it to the ‘girl’. Visibly happy the latter patted the woman gently and affectionately on her cheeks. After treating each other to the mango, they ate some snacks out of a box.

After reading Upamanyu’s message on the cigarette packet Pooja had not read a line of the book that she held in her hands. She put the book away. Soon she began thinking about her home. When she returned an empty house would greet her. She had had a busy life. Earlier, she used to wonder why God had not made the days twenty-six hours each! One would then have been able to look after oneself. But, now that she had all the time in the world, the vacant house was constantly haunting her. Earlier she used to sleep like a log, unconscious of bodily existence. The nights were too brief for adequate sleep. Now the nights were interminable. She would wake up at three in the morning. She would not know why, but looking at the two women, she thought that her life had slipped by imperceptibly. But what sort of life had she expected to live? Did she want a life like this one? What blueprint of her life did she have? Part clear, part hazy? Absurd? That which could not be explained in word? Perhaps she had thought of only happiness without a trace of sadness. She closed her eyes and thought hard. No, she could not recall any thing. Maybe a man full of love in her life would be circling her life like a bumblebee. Like every other girl, her must have been no less or more, must have been Upamanyu would explain to her how she had got everything she had asked of life. Pooja would also agree with him. She had Upamanyu, she had her children, a house to live in, a job a car, a plot of land. But she could not recall Upamanyu and she having ever fed each other any juicy mango! Perhaps much had eluded her in her life.

Presently, Upamanyu took out a scrap of paper from his pocket scribbled something on it and handed it over to her: “Did you observe the two? What do you make of them?” Pooja looked at him with the same quizzical eyes as before. Upamanyu closed the book and kept it away, and said, “It would be nice if we could have some tea.” He strolled out. Pooja sat leaning on the pillow. Soon the two got ready for a siesta. It was 2:30 in the afternoon. Pooja and Upamanyu had had rice for lunch and Pooja was feeling lazy. The ‘girl’ in jeans pulled the curtains hanging down from the upper berth and converted their part of the compartment into a tiny little room. They were undisturbed by their fellow passengers’ movements beyond the curtains. She even drew the window curtains and made the space semi-dark.

She switched off the reading lamps, not even bothering to ask Pooja if she wanted to read on. Though they had two bed-rolls, she spread only one bed sheet; they used another one to cover themselves with the white bed linen from head to foot. Pooja had thought the berth would be too narrow for the plump ‘woman’ alone but now both lay there snugly entwined. The ‘girl’ in jeans pressed the ‘woman’s cheeks and said, “Now, you have got every thing what else do you need?”

As the fat ‘woman’ blushed profusely her face turned red. Whenever she smiled her face threatened to melt like wax. The ‘girl’ in jeans kissed her partner’s red face. The whole scene reminded Pooja of how Radha was stricken and prostrated by the witty arrows shot by her sakhi Lalita, such was the overwhelming nature of her abashment at those. Their amorous play reminded Pooja of Radha and Lalita’s loving frolic in the kunjaban.

Upamanyu entered brushing the curtains aside and said, “No tea till 4 in the afternoon. The pantry is closed”. Noticing the darkness around, he asked Pooja: “Are you planning to sleep? I am going up then.”

Pooja, of course, was not feeling sleepy. As the two partners in front of her kept muttering below the bed-sheet, Pooja remembered how she had walked the lawns of Rajghat clasping Upamanyu’s hands. How long had it been since they last walked holding each other’s hands?

They no longer shared one existence. Now the day would begin when they would hear the alarm ring at five in the morning and end at eleven in the night when they slept turning away from the clock. Work, work, more work.

Wherefrom does so much work generate? Work for the son, work for the daughter and work for Upamanyu, and no time for oneself. Such had been her life. Scenes of her mundane life whirled past her consciousness. Standing in front of the wardrobe, when she would select a particular sari, she would then find a matching blouse which was all crumpled, or vice versa. She would wait for a good Sunday bath; but even on those Sundays, she would come out of the bath in a hurry. While plucking flowers for her morning prayers, she would begin chanting, much before the actual worship began. By the time the idols received their respective offerings, the relevant mantra would be over. Pooja would call from there, “Listen, I am getting late. If you want any breakfast, come to the table at once.” Upamanyu would be either shaving or reading the morning papers then. Pooja would then butter her toast and start eating, when still on her feet. She too would be getting late. All this and much more of such routine life: twenty years of her married life had whirled past. When could she have enjoyed her life?

When the kids were small, she was sandwiched between the two. When they grew up, she felt too shy to close the bedroom door. When the son and daughter left home for their professional studies, the house was desolate. When Pooja saw these two women in the train, and their love, she wished she had their leisure in her own life.

Pooja noticed that the two women, locked in an embrace, were fast asleep. They looked like two flowers in a single stalk. No they could not have been mother and daughter. Though one was fat and the other slim, and one was in jeans the other in salwar and kameez, they belonged to the same age group. Their face looked equally mature.

Pooja stood up, switched on the light, and flipped through the pages of The Purple Sea. She could not read a thing. What was the use of such a dim light? She put the book away, and went to the loo. Since she was in the air-conditioned coach, the air outside felt warm. The door of the pantry car was now open, and someone carrying a tray asked her if she needed some tea. Pooja gave him the seat number and returned to her seat. The man came with the tea after some time. A flask and a cup. Pooja told the man that they were a couple and would thus need two cups of tea. To this the man said that she should have asked for a “family tray”. “Why? Is there only one cup of tea in the flask?” she asked him. “No three,” said the man on his way out. Meanwhile, the jeans clad ‘girl’ had awoken. She said, removing the bed sheet from her face, “Get her two cups.”

As Pooja waited, the two women were heard muttering beneath the sheet. Pooja stood up and, reaching up to Upamanyu, tried to wake him up. He came down and said, “Shall be back in a minute,” and went off to the loo. The two women stretched their limbs. It was obvious to Pooja that the plump ‘woman’ was trying to tie up the strings of her salwar and the other one was buttoning up her shirt. They exchanged glances and smiles and sat up.

Soon Upamanyu returned. The pantry car fellow came back with an extra cup of tea for Pooja, and two cups of tea for the two women. Pooja and Upamanyu sipped their tea, and the two women took out some sliced bread with cheese spread and started eating. Then they took out two big apples and started munching on them. The ‘girl’ in jeans then took out some more eatables and fed the plump ‘woman’.

Pooja enjoyed looking at the two eating the way they did.

The ‘girl’ in jeans tried to play a music cassette on her Walkman, which did not seem to work. She told her partner, “What have you done to this?” and gave the Walkman a few taps after which it seemed to work fine. The two covered up their bodies up to the neck, the tea cups in hand and listened to some music. The ‘girl’ in jeans sang a romantic song from a Hindi movie. Her voice was hoarse, she had no sense of rhythm, and Pooja found it very irritating.

“I could not read the newspaper today”, said Upamanyu.

“Why, you went to the platform. Didn’t you get one?”

“Not that I did not read it but is that what you call a newspaper?” Upamanyu replied.

Pooja knew what an avid reader of the local newspaper Upamanyu was.

“Oh! I overslept! What station is this?” he asked.

“No idea”, replied Pooja. Pooja had stretched out on her lower berth and Upamanyu was now seated near her feet. As he ran his hand on her feet, he pressed it slightly. Pooja withdrew her feet quickly and told Upamanyu reprimanding, “What on earth are you upto? What will people think?”

As the two women continued to be glued to the Walkman, they had in the meantime got entangled again. The ‘girl’ in the jeans ran her hand on her partner’s cheeks and said, “Komal, yes you really are Komal.” “You ought to have been called Komal.” She said as she squeezed her cheeks.

“No, my name is Pinkie,” she said, smiling coyly. “Is it not the same thing?” She got an affectionate smack on her face.

Around nine in the evening, Upamanyu and Pooja had their dinner from the pantry and turned in. Early in the morning, Upamanyu woke Pooja up and wanted her to go to the loo. Pooja said, she did not need to. Taking advantage of the darkness Upamanyu kissed her quietly.

After this, Pooja could not sleep. She remembered her children and relatives. She also recalled the few days she spent with Upamanyu in Delhi. The first day was enjoyable for both of them. But after that they became unaware of each other. The same familiar bodies, the same limbs, hands, face, and spots. Besides, they had got tired shopping, and at last lay on the bed turning their backs to each other.

By the by, the train got crowded. By eight in the morning the ‘woman’ woke up and woke her partner up too. The ‘girl’ in jeans had put on shorts for the night. As she got up, she said, “Have you asked for some tea?” Her partner shook her head to say no.

“You are impossible,” said the ‘girl’, and went out. This was for the first time that the two were separated. The plump ‘woman’ went out with her toothbrush. She came back after some time and began to comb her hair. Though they had spent nearly a day together, Pooja had not exchanged a single word with them. Right from the start of the journey, Pooja had taken to the plump woman. Her large compassionate eyes, shy smile and cream-soft manners. Taking advantage of her partner’s absence, she ventured to ask her: “How far are you going?”

“Rourkela.”

“Is that your home, or are you going on a holiday?”

The woman kept quiet for sometime, and then said, “I am from Delhi. My sister’s husband worked in the Steel Plant of Rourkela, as a manager. Perhaps you know about the terrible accident. It was in the papers. My elder sister, her husband, their two children, my younger sister, her husband all died in the accident.

Pooja’s heart missed a beat. “So many of them lost their lives?”

“Yea. They were travelling in a car. A truck hit them. It was a head-on collision. Only my younger sister’s young son survived the accident.

“Oh God!” Pooja gasped. “Did your younger sister too live in Rourkela?”

“No, she had come on a holiday.” She said. That is why you are going to Rourkela?”

“Yea. My mother, brother and my husband have already reached Rourkela.”

“What will you do now.” Pooja asked innocently and fell silent.

“What shall we do? We shall have our all belongings in a trunk and return.”

Pooja did not ask any more questions. Tears had appeared in the woman’s eyes.

Just then, the girl in jeans returned. “What happened? Yes, what happened?”

“Nothing”, the woman said. Now the girl in jeans took out some eatables from the air bag, and arranged them on a plate. They fed each other, as before. After that, they ate their apples. The girl in jeans asked her partner, “Fatso! What else do you want to eat?”

The plump woman blushed. The two resumed their activities, turning on the Walkman, getting entangled, and became complementary to each other.

Life is strange, Pooja thought. The real magician is the one who knows how to live.



She got up and walked away, looking for Upamanyu. She found him queued up in front of the loo.





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Thursday, November 13, 2008

Earning The Proverbial 'Bread and Butter'

A human being is part of a whole, called by us the "Universe," a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest – a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. – Albert Einstein

We are a curious species and all of us have different reasons for leaving the comfort of our homes to wander the earth. Bird’s fly through cold winter skies to find warmer climate as do some species of whales, the African Elephants migrates to find food during the wet and dry seasons, many crabs migrate to reproduce, I migrated from India to New Zealand in search of new experiences. After living and working here for a year now, I know I couldn’t have picked a better home for my first overseas experience. No matter what your reasons to migrate are, New Zealand is a good option to consider. The immigration process is as simple as it can get, and if you happen to have the skill sets needed to be on the ‘skilled migrant category’ then it’s even easier.
Living in this beautiful country is an absolute pleasure. The public transport in the bigger cities of Wellington, Auckland etc is very efficient and in Wellington you can almost get away without owning a car. The thing I like best about living in New Zealand is that there is such an influx of cultures that a foreigner never feels out of place. You can find large number of Chinese, Srilankans, Indians all mingling with the local Kiwis very easily. The job scene is great once you get you foot in the door, which can be a daunting prospect as is the case in any foreign country. To work in New Zealand you do need to have a valid work permit. I would say it’s easier finding work in the bigger cities like Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch, but it all depends on the kind of employment you are seeking. For me the whole experience has been an extremely educational. I now have a newfound respect for work, which I took for granted back home. When I arrived in Wellington, the capital city of New Zealand a year ago, I had no idea what was in store for my career. Even though my husband’s company in India had sponsored a work permit for me, nobody was willing to give me a job. While most employers commented on my impressive background, they were quick to reject me because I’d never worked in a western corporate environment before. The Indian stereotype didn't help either, to the western world India is a poor backward, underdeveloped country. As far as they were concerned I would be ill equipped to handle the standard and pressure of working in their world. I was often and still am confronted with questions like, where did you learn to speak English, is your spoken and written language comparable to that of a Kiwi. My blood boiled at such questions, but I have since adopted the policy of ‘Grin And Bear’ and it doesn’t bother me so much any more. This was just the beginning of a long agonizing struggle to fulfill my ambitions. I acknowledged the fact that the slate had been wiped clean as far as my career was concerned, and I would have to start from scratch. I started by taking little baby step and enrolling into a temp agency where I was reluctantly employed and given odd jobs when there was absolutely nobody else to call. I did small mundane tasks, which I hadn’t ever done even when I was interning. I went from holding a hi-flying marketing job to Xeroxing and delivering mail. Even though I was doing absolute menial labor as far as I was concerned, it was a refreshing change from sitting at home in my tiny apartment and staring at the walls. It was also a relief for my poor husband who had to deal with my depression and paranoia ever since I’d stepped into Wellington. I began to enjoy life a little more and took pleasure in meeting the lovely people of this spectacular country. The people of New Zealand are a definite asset to their country. They are fun loving, polite, helpful and will go out of their way to make you feel welcome. The only time I ever felt the slightest prejudice, was when I was looking for work, which was understandable because people had had unpleasant experiences with Indian employees previously. I’d been temping for about two months, when I half –heartedly applied for a marketing role with a Finance company. By this time I had received so many rejections that I was tempted to permanently give up any hope of ever finding a decent job in this country. Every rejection letter made this resolution stronger, but my competitiveness got the better of the rejections, and I continued applying for marketing roles I knew I could fit into. So I put on a brave confident front and went off on my hundredth interview in the past four months. The interview went very well and I was invited back for a series of rounds and tests, which were a part of the employment process. The people interviewing me were very professional, down to earth and never once questioned my linguistic abilities. They were impressed with my qualifications and felt I was the right person for that role and for the first time since I’d been here someone gave me a chance, and took the risk of employing me. The day I received the call from my manager that they’d decided to employ me I was ecstatic, but I had absolutely no one to share the news with. My husband was in an important meeting all day and it was still night in India so all my friends and family were in slumber land. I took my self out to lunch and celebrated my first victory. Life’s been completely different from then on. I’ve learned to enjoy and appreciate the country so much more. Working in a Kiwi organization is excellent. There are several benefits like discounted insurance and gym memberships, flexible hours etc available to all employees. People here know how to work hard and have fun while doing it. On the whole living and working in this country is a fulfilling experience, one I’d recommend to everyone to experience at least once in their lifetime.

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Journeys, Dreams, and other thoughts….

In a super frenzied and chaotic world, perspective is everything really. And this is where travel comes in, to help you escape the tedious bonds of convention, when you can find answers to some of life’s greatest mysteries. When you can actually discover the raw, primitive nature within you, and finding that you are not always that harried person, rushing about all the time doing something. To travel is to just be.

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And A Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an Hour”.
William Blake in his Auguries of Innocence couldn’t have been more right.

Travelers are two – there is the armchair traveler and then there is the real traveler. The kind who feels that there is just something about packing the bags and getting away from it all. That unexplainable feeling that calls you away from the drudgery of daily life; to be liberated, to flee from a hackneyed existence; to be enveloped by new places and new faces; having a pair of itching, restless feet. That simple, but pure joy you get when you touch the soils of Umbria or Utopia even. Being smitten by all of that. Dreamy, whimsical, and solitary. Travel, they say, is really not about the destination as much as it is about the journey itself. And it has never been truer than it is. There has been Marco Polo, Columbus, Hiuen Tsang; and there has been Thoreau, Chatwin, et al. To all of them the earth has unfailingly opened up, greeting them and saying “Love me, and I will love you back.”It’s when you arrive that for a brief moment, you become aware of the soul of the place. And when you glimpse curious cultures and people, you ponder on the question of just what makes it so - maybe sometimes reflecting your belief and feelings, and sometimes not. That spirit which is found not only in the culmination but in the interludes too. And especially, that thrill of discovering an unheard of place, or wishing you could have been in the well-worn shoes of Columbus. That ultimate gratification that comes to you when you find that the whole world has not yet been completely hijacked by an ever growing and totally insensitive humanity. That there still are a few places that may be only God has ever seen or touched. Vistas that stay the way they are and not give in to the touch of man, or to the crude progress that we are part of today. The desperate prayer you have that it would always remain so. A desperate wish for the unbroken endurance of the way life has always been lived in such places. Annoyance at careless visitors, sloppy picnickers, and above all, greedy governments. That fantastic experience of taking off, hovering easily it seems, feeling that boundless sense of freedom; the feeling of almost savage rapture at the first sight of a place, when you believe for a moment that the ancient harmony between man and earth has been restored. To abandon ego, clout, class, and just experience like the common man, a citizen of the world. There is a wonderful line in William Least Heat Moon’s book “Blue Highways” – “When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.” You don’t have to think of tomorrow either. That is travel. Not the past, not the future, but the here and now moment. Not the been there, seen that, get in the bus, get off the bus sort, but rather the real experiences, the fulfillment of those urges to escape confinement from your personal world in one little corner of the earth. And that ultimately, is what journeys are all about.

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Following the coast

Getting lost twice is not my idea of a great vacation. But that is precisely what happened when I was in Mauritius, trying unsuccessfully to experience the place by bus and scooter – which I found was quite impossible in a country that closes down by early evening. And after the getting-lost-on-the-scooter fracas, my husband and I decided to hire one of those little jeeps everyone seemed to be driving around. Monetarily, it did set us back a bit, but given a choice between getting lost or not, this was way better! The day was balmy and the jeep topless and I discovered to my pleasure that sometimes it does feel good to move away from the only-local-conveyance policy that I stuck to on every trip. Anyone going there should experience a good ride around the coast.
If starting from the north, the drive can easily be completed in two days, at the most three, taking in everything that has to be seenAfter plotting a drive plan on a map of the island, start at the northern most point of Cap Malheareaux, a sleepy little village, full of charming, hedged off vacation homes. After parking at the little red roofed church built in the 18th century, idle at the beach with a view of the impressive Gunner’s Conner; later follow the shoreline for a little while to check out the cool backyards of the houses, each complete with verandas, back gardens, a private jetty and boat. And a bit of beach. Local fishermen offering to take visitors out to sea abound here, and though tempting, you may have to decline because of their high, touristy rates. Apparently this was the first settled fishing village of the island and is thoroughly quiet and calm. The nearby town of Grand Baie is where all the action lies, unlike the rest of the towns - pubs, continental restaurants and Sunset Boulevard, a designer shopping center set very prettily on the beach. The beach front is lined with push carts where you can buy your lunch if you are cutting costs. Fried rice, biryani, stuffed rotis, soup; it was delicious for a great rate. This is where you want to be if you are planning to try water sport too. Parasailing, paragliding, underwater walks, scuba diving, glass bottomed boat rides and so on. None of the activities are too pricey and a go at each one, for as less as Rs 100, is a definite must, especially for watching sea life – colorful fish and lobsters. This is a good place for picking up beach or swim wear too - bikinis, sarongs, beach towels are abundant and incredibly cheap. For souvenirs head to the Grand Baie Souvenir Shop which sells masks, handmade paper, and the ever present dodo in various forms. For more traditional crafts, you can go further down the road where craft shops sell vibrant hand-woven baskets and jewelry. We were also lucky enough to witness the traditional “cavadee” celebrations of the resident Tamil community at the nearby Murugan temple.The capital city, Port Louis, locked in by the sea on one side and craggy mountains on the other, was the next stop. Small and with a kind of old world charm to it, statues of 18th century French Governor Mahé de Labourdonnais and Father of the Nation Ramgoolam Seersowagur, dominate the main street. No trip to a capital city can be complete without a sampling of its history so visit the Blue Penny Museum run by Mauritius Post (Mauritius, remarkably, was among the first countries in the world to issue the first postage stamps); and the relatively unknown Lé Museé de la Photographic on Churchill Street which has a huge display of photographs taken over the last 160 years, with as many old negatives. The owners of this private museum are very passionate about preserving the island’s history and they’ve succeeded to a great extent. The afternoon is best spent relaxing at the Le Caudon Waterfront, built along the harbor with countless number of pubs and restaurants set along the water’s edge. The craft shops inside have an amazing range. Don’t forget to pick up a glass or ceramic dodo, the dumb bird which is the ubiquitous symbol of the island, which became extinct 300 years ago.

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Monday, November 10, 2008

The Wedding That Was

The bustle at 5 a.m. wakes me up. I get up from my room to be greeted by the strong aroma of Elaichi tea. The old ladies, in their soft, printed cotton saris have huddled around the dining table. Their loud slurps of tea match their greed for conversation at that unearthly hour. As they see me, their crinkled faces melt into a smile. They are happy to find an early riser in me. Someone's cold limp hand thrust a cup in my hand. The sugar surge shocks my system and in an instant all sleepiness is banished. I cringe stealthily, but smile at the lady and walk to the noises that woke me.Looking at the aangan from the balcony I see that the cooks have arrived. Large aluminum cauldrons, blackened with use, are being cleaned with clay and Surf. The fat head cook peels vegetables. His hand wields the peeler with a vengeance but his eyes, stoic with experience seem numb. The rest busy themselves with more menial labor. For as long as I can remember, the head cooks have always been fat. In real life and in movies. The smell of Surf, freshly made cheese and tea, mingles in the fresh air of the small city. Looking at the uninterrupted view of trees, I know the wind will carry this smell far. And all those who wake up before dawn will know there is a wedding in the vicinity. As though to confirm my thoughts, two stray dogs walk in to be pelted joyously with stones.Pulling myself away from the scene, I rush to grab one of the two washrooms. To get a super clean washroom, right after the cleaning lady cleans it, is the sole purpose of my dawn awakenings. As I return, fresh and dressed, I am greeted with satisfied gazes from the gossiping quarters. The Rasogullas are now bubbling in the cauldron. I have never felt hungrier at 6 a.m. But just then the household help thrusts another sweet cup of tea affectionately. I accept graciously but the lethal combination of sugar and milk completely vanquishes my buyout appetite.By now the big house is full of busy, merry noises. Word spreads to the cooks that one of the brothers has come from America. On one of my chases to keep my toddler away from pulling the tail of the puppy, I cross the cooking quarters. Shyly, one of the cooks asks me if I'd like a “bret-omlett' instead. I politely refuse, touched by his sweetness. I look at the multitude of golden puris frothing in oil and doing a merry dance as they get orchestrated by the ladle. My smile confirms my interest. Suddenly uncontrolled voices of women laughing reminds me that I am missing out on one of the most essential parts of a North Indian wedding- fun. Almost abandoning my son I rush to the scene. My twenty something cousin-in-law is in tears but the rest of the ladies are tickled. Master Sahib, the old tailor has done it once again! In spite of strict instructions, Master Sahib, has made the neck of her blouse too “high”. Even by my cousin-in-law's mother's standards. This old gentleman prided himself in being the moral police of the neighborhood. Much to the chagrin of the teenage girls. I check the blouse, any higher and this would be a boat neck top. The ladies of the house decide that it is no use going back to the senile Master Sahib for the alterations. Another tailor will have to be hunted for and lured. The girl's tears dry quickly in excited discussions of jewellery and matching accessories. She is also given the responsibility of packing and decorating the bride's saris. Smug with her new found responsibility she leaves the room without a care in the world. Our pleasant and engrossing discussion is interrupted by one of the men of the house. Annoyed, he wants to know what we are up to. The cook has just announced that there is not a drop of refined oil and no vegetables to prepare the next meal with. Undoubtedly, he explains, the cooks have stolen the groceries with no one to watch them. Hearing him a very old lady huddled the corner of the room begins to mutter. We look up, surprised at her presence. Shaking her head she talks mainly to herself, 'These ladies can only talk about making themselves beautiful. What nonsense! Their time to be a bride is over. It is time to work. No one is taking care of the bridegroom and of how he looks? Look at him, roaming without a drop of oil on his head. No kaajal, no altaa ( red liquid used to decorate feet)! His sister-in-laws are not bothered!!!”Now my brother-in-law, like many boys of his time had refused to adorn himself in the traditional way, much to my satisfaction. Of course change will be met with some opposition, we knew that. The younger ladies of the house had decided on many other changes. The bridegroom will dance at his own wedding. After all he is the happiest man at the wedding! He will not fast on the day of his marriage. He was a foodie and an accomplished cook. Besides this we unanimously agreed on many changes. But I always had the uncanny feeling, that all fingers ( invisible, old and pruny) pointed at me when these changes were witnessed. After all I was the one who had come from abroad. But this was just a feeling.Early, on the day of the wedding, we stood waiting for the taxis to take us to a nearby city. There, in the evening, the wedding would take place. Soon an impressive line up of AC taxis and a bus drove outside the sprawling house. The bus sounded like fun and in spite of opposition we took our seats. The taxis, hired by my father-in-law for his children (so used to the luxuries of big cities), were welcomed by the rest in the baraat. The bus was also the finest found in those parts. A fully A.C. imported bus. Sadly, it didn't quite live up to its facade. The engine broke down midway. Ignoring the cacophony of voices scolding the driver and his side kick, I looked out of the window. The place was straight out of a R K Laxman story. Collected rainwater, enjoyed its transient presence. Pretending to be a quiet, beautiful pond, it lovingly painted the horizon. A man stared at us with interest while his buffaloes stared at us without interest, as buffaloes always do. My son wanted to play with this “black cow”! A godsend, as we needed something to do. Help was far away. All the taxis had zoomed leaving us far behind as though to prove a point. People were called over cellphones. They would come back with help.Help arrived and true to Murphy's law, it was late. We wouldn't reach on time. But we all knew that the wedding would have to wait since we had the bridegroom. Everyone except the bridegroom seemed satisfied with this knowledge. He sighed with frustration and made many trips to the driver with requests to speed up. All this was lost on the occupants of the bus who seemed so busy in conversation. After all, here were people getting together after years, with stories to share. A few anecdotes and with timeless, tall tales that were narrated from generation to generation. Their stories and their hunger to share them was bigger than the bride or the bridegroom. Known in the family for their stories they guarded their fame zealously. Weddings gave them the rare platform with the largest audience. They were the people who were never forgotten when you addressed the wedding cards. When we arrived in the city, we were three hours behind schedule. Wisdom ruled and we decided that the bridegroom would change in the bus. My makeup was put to good use. He looked squeaky clean and fresh. Though secretly I knew that this was relief washing all over his face and not the effect of my department store cleansers. We decided to attend just as we were, to save time.We drove into the lighted aromatic venue, sheepishly and ready with our barrage of words citing the unavoidable circumstances that lead to the delay. But surprisingly our delay wasn't discussed. It seemed that the bride's family saw the whole thing through a different lens. Since the boy's family is expected to be late, (in fact in many smaller cities it is sort of customary) they assumed that we were fishing to get pampered. So our late arrival fetched us a warmer, more grand welcome. Though baffled by their assumption I can't say I complained.

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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Acceptance

By any standard five years is a long stretch of time. Manjula was very much aware of this fact. It was five years since she had had her stroke, which left her professional life totally messed up and her body steeped with deep disabilities. When left in solitude and silence, Manjula pondered, ‘in five long years I should have been able to accept all the devastations stroke had caused in my life, gotten over it, leave that burden behind me and move on with my life’. Life still stretched out in front of her. In five long years she should have been able to pick up the pieces, accept the irrevocable loss and march down the life path. The reality was far from that. She still remembered the days of her hospitalization following the stroke very vividly. When she closed her eyes, she could even smell the disinfectant alcohol smell of the hospital. She could see in her mind’s eye how flocks of doctors in their white coats floated around on the polished hospital floor, How the open ends of their white coats fluttered in the air, how they plunged their hands in their white-coat pockets, pulled out prescription pads with arrogant flourishes and wrote out prescriptions of various chemicals for their sick patients, without much care whether they were chemically poisoning the patient or not.In case of Manjula, only later on, by her vigilant husband and her physician daughter it was detected that she was being chemically poisoned by her own doctors. That's how liberally the doctors prescribe chemicals and often times a sick patient ends up with a list of medications as long as the arm. At any rate, the fact that disturbed Manjula the most was that five years had passed by and she hadn’t been able to accept the fact that the stroke had messed up her professional life irrevocably, what she had lost would never come back. She had lost her thriving medical practice, her patients of more than twenty years, her secretaries of more than twenty years, who were also her dear friends, her place of work. Later on she also lost her medical license, her driver’s license and her beloved car. Often times Manjula was gripped by an intense impatience, in the same way a crocodile grips its prey between its jaws, never to let go of the prey. Manjula felt as if she might die from the death-choke of impatience and tried her best to get the process of acceptance be done and over with before she perished, she wished to be done and over with it immediately, at this very moment, if possible to be done and over with it yesterday, or even better, getting done and over with it day before yesterday. But she had no patience to wait till tomorrow or day after tomorrow. That was the time when she received Botox injections in her arm and legs to relax the spastic muscles. The injection was similar to waking up the asleep princess by the kiss of a prince in a fairytale. With her relaxed muscles, Manjula took long walks again, with her left arm she did repetitive movements again. She accepted her physical being again, just the way she was. There was no full length mirror in the house. But there were half length ones. She stood in front of one and loved what she saw. Her short curly hair poked out from her scalp in every which direction. They entwined and curled with each other like a flock of girls busy playing hide-and-seek and hopscotch, with no time to disentangle themselves. The soft brown skin on her face was gently stretched out keeping creases and wrinkles to the minimum, imparting the face a content, peaceful expression. Her neck not too long, but creaseless and curved. Her deep brown eyes always twinkled with mischief, further down, jutting from her chest wall, like two flowers from a vase were her breasts, well shaped and well formed, resulting from using well fitting and well shaped brassieres since her adolescence. Her two tits looked forward like the two dark eyes of a baby. Further down her chest wall sloped down. She didn’t possess a narrow waist but had a well shaped abdominal wall. All in all Manjula loved her imperfect mirror image. That told her the truth that, her process of accepting herself had begun. She was down the right path.She decided to discuss this matter of acceptance also with her psychiatrist. Since, after all, literally speaking, the word psychiatrist means, ‘the healer of the soul.’ On meeting him next time she asked,
‘Don’t you agree that I am a person of average intelligence?’. ‘To be honest, I believe your intelligence is more than average,’ was her mind-doctor’s straight-forward answer. He was always a straight talker.

No ‘ifs’ or ‘buts’ in his sentences. ‘Then why am I having such a hard time to accept all the inevitable evastations that the stroke has left behind in my life? With all my damn intelligence why can’t I accept all the changes as fast as a stone drops on the earth?’‘Can you make a snail run? Can you make a turtle sprint? No, you can’t. Because that’s the way they have been created by Mother Nature. In the same way certain feelings are created in certain ways. You can’t make them move fast. Anger can sprint, laughter can run, but acceptance moves at a snail’s pace. It moves so slowly that sometimes we don’t even know that it’s moving. But, we human beings are intelligent creatures, we are aware, no matter how undesirable or how devastating a situation is, in our final account we have to accept it, otherwise like termites the lack of acceptance would eat away our souls and our souls would die. That’s why for the sake of self preservation we bring unpleasant matters to a closure and accept it.’ He lowered his eyes and rubbed his lips with his fingertips. ‘The other human feeling very close to the nature of acceptance is forgiveness. It, too, comes at a snail’s pace, but finally it does arrive, because we need it for self preservation. Otherwise, once again, our peace of mind would be ruined.’ Now he moved away his fingers from his lips and his straight talk came to an end. ‘When shall I be able to accept all the changes in my life and be at peace with myself and with my Higher Power?’ Manjula asked in a clear tone. ‘Do you see a crystal ball in my hand?’ asked the healer of soul. ‘No, I don’t have any crystal ball, I can’t predict any timing.’ The mind-doctor said, ‘But, my guess is, you’d reach it soon, since you are thinking about it, working at it. That’s all that matters.’ This open ended answer from her trusted psychiatrist sent a shiver through Manjula’s body. She sent out a silent prayer, ‘Dear Divine Mother Durga, please don’t turn me into a Vietnam Veteran (VV) and make me suffer from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Even decades after the war, when they meet other veterans or in their dreams they can still smell the acrid putrid smell of the swamplands back in Vietnam, hear the blowing of wind bashing against the coconut fronds in Vietnam, hear the bullets swishing past their ears in Vietnam, see their Vietnamese enemies, men women and children, standing in the line of fire, with their eyes bulging out in fright. Days later when putrid smell emanated from the same spots in the swampland, the Vets could easily deduce that the stench was from the rotting flesh of the bulging eyed enemies. So went on the saga and that’s what they recalled vividly decades after the war, a war that they didn’t want to fight, a war that they had to fight, because their Commander In Chief commanded so, a war that never won a glorious spot in the pages of the history books, a war that even their own countrymen didn’t appreciate. But, no matter what, the Veterans were left with their PTSD and nightmares to cope with. Manjula’s heart went out to the veterans. At least in her case she knew she didn’t have to struggle against many of the demons as the veterans did. Yes, she had high blood pressure. She took her medications religiously and kept her blood pressure under control, she took care of her diet, her weight was within normal range, she exercised regularly, and after that it was a draw of bad luck that she had the stroke. Now, once again, she is taking care of herself and trying to get over the devastation of the stroke. After leaving her psychiatrist’s office, after coming home, Manjula wondered, why does the feeling of acceptance have to move so slowly? Why does it move at a snail's pace?One doesn’t have to be a brain surgeon to figure out the answers, Manjula deduced. In certain parts of our minds acceptance is perceived as a weakness, a failure. That’s why human minds put stumbling blocks on the way of acceptance. The same formula holds good for forgiveness. One part of the mind considers it an utter failure to forgive an enemy. The excuses that come up look so logical, what the enemy said was utterly abominable, then why should I forgive him? What the enemy did was totally abhorrent, then why should I forgive him? At the final end, however, the desire for self-preservation wins out. So we accept, we forgive, otherwise our souls would die. At this moment Manjula recalled the TV advertisement, that she had seen many times over and every time she had laughed out loud.The ad was that of a facial cream, to keep away facial wrinkles. One middle-aged woman, with daintily placed crow’s feet beside her eyes, declares in a sharp clear tone, ‘I don’t want to get old, that’s why I shall fight aging at every step of the way, I shall use the cream XYZ and keep my face free of wrinkles.’ That’s when Manjula laughs out loud. What does she mean when she declares I don’t want to get old? Does she wish to die young with a wrinkle free face? None of us wish that. All of us wish to get old and get our faces overcrowded with wrinkles and live till ripe old age, don’t we? Of course we shall use cream XYZ. But we shall also accept the inevitable aging, in all its glory, in cradling the grandchildren and welcoming the son-in-law and daughter-in-law, in getting old with the same life-partner and in gathering more memories together, singing all along, ‘the best is yet to be.’ Live out the glorious final years under the golden sunrays.

Finally Manjula concentrated on herself. Her business of accepting the altered state of her life. A life devoid of the privilege of practicing medicine. Manjula had spent most of her adult-life in universities in different continents. Her basic medical degree was from India. Then following her husband Pallab’s footsteps she went to Berlin, West Germany. There she acquired a Medical Degree from the Free University. Later on the two of them together immigrated to Ontario, Canada, where she renewed her Medical Degree and worked as a Family Physician in the city of Queenston for thirty long years, till the stroke arrived in her life, when the final curtain of her medical profession fell and she had to retire.When it came to picking up the pieces and finding peace with her present life situation, at the start she found it very hard. She felt as if practicing medicine, offering medical services to more than two thousand patients at any given time, offered the most substantial purpose in her life. Without medical practice her life seemed empty, devoid of any purpose. It was as if her life was stripped of its life line. That was the moment when she recalled the time-old adage, ‘when one door closes another opens.’ At first Manjula was baffled, wondering what door had opened for her? Then one morning as she was confronted by a cleaned out desk, with a neatly placed notepad and a pen on top of it, she toyed with the idea whether God had sent her the message to try out her ability in writing.Immediately she took on the challenge, sat down and wrote down a short story in the next few hours. When Manjula sent that story to a dear friend of hers in San Francisco by email, the friend’s prompt reply arrived bearing the note, ‘ekta apoorbo golpo.’ One excellent story. Immediately in a helpless cry Manjula E-mailed back, ‘what do I do with it now?’ Her friend answered back, ‘publish it.’ ‘But where?’ The friend answered back, ‘I know about one website that I like very much, which is also very popular among the East Indians residing in San Francisco’. The friend gave Manjula the name of the website and after editing the piece thoroughly Manjula sent it to that website. Lo and behold in three days the piece was published embellished with a beautiful picture of sundown. The title of the story was, ‘As the sun sets.’ The publication, and the picture to boot, transcended Manjula’s soul to the ninth cloud. Now she knew exactly which door had opened for her, the door of creative writing was wide open for her and through that open door Manjula entered the new world courageously, with her head held high and her shoulders braced back. From that moment on all she could think of were short stories, one after another, after another. Where was this flow of creativity coming from? Manjula wondered with astonishment. Later on, as she underwent an extensive test to determine her brain capacities, it was found, her left brain, the brain responsible for creativity, was totally spared. The doctor who interpreted the results informed Manjula with a beguiling smile, ‘Get into doing something creative. Your left brain being totally intact, in creative fields sky would be your limit.’That’s what Manjula is in the process of doing, she has accepted her post stroke situation wholeheartedly, and some more. She has spread out her strong creative wings in the wide open sky, where, along with the flying birds and floating clouds she shoots up and swoops down, sometimes glides noiselessly, at night she casts a shadow on the moon, in the daytime under the scorching sun she seeks refuge in the shadows of trees. The timeless adage is so very true. ‘When a door closes, if we let go of it, not one, but ten doors open.’ After all, the sky can never be the limit, because the blue color is an illusion, a fake canopy that poses no limitation at all. It is nothing but an open endless vista that Manjula calls her home, her present abode, after she has let go of medicine. Yes, the sky has no limits neither has a creative mind.Now Manjula knew Acceptance was not a momentary happening; it was a long process, a prolonged journey, where a devotee wished to visit the temple that housed the statue of her beloved Divine Mother. The devotee walked days and nights on bare feet, since that’s the way pilgrimages are made, on dust covered roads for miles and miles, till at the end of the journey she reached the temple and threw herself prostrated at the feet of the statue. Only then did the devotee realize the truth, the truth that the Divine Power was truly in charge, the Divine Power determined the distance the human body could traverse and the agony the human soul could endure. She also realized the truth about herself, the limitations her own body and mind presented. Her mortal body was overwhelmed with exhaustion, the soles of her feet were peppered with calluses and blisters and bleeding spots, her soul, once saturated with hope and expectation, now lay empty and hollow with extreme fatigue, her eyes once bright with vision, now lay bleary and hazy from days of glare from the sun. Finally her acceptance had come. The long painful journey had come to an end. She had picked up the pieces of her stroke-tattered life.

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Final Frontier

That morning Manjula was nervous. She was going to the hospital for a test by Dr.Y. Manjula knew all about that test. It is a routine test on the bladder. She had children later in her life. And her body paid the price for going against Mother Nature.
She has so-called hyperactive bladder, somewhat similar to hyperactive children. As soon as Manjula drinks a few sips of fluid, her bladder wiggles and then screams, demanding to go to the washroom. Yes, the washroom is Manjula’s second home.
When she tells her tale to her Bengali friends they all say in unison ‘it is just the same with every woman’ but Manjula believes her condition is worse than that of others. So she saw Dr.Y. She is very aware that once she sees a doctor the ball starts rolling down the slope, no way one can stop it. This test, that test, this result, that result, this treatment, that treatment, this medication, that surgery and on and on it goes. Even after knowing all these, Manjula had agreed to the test. Age is catching up, she thought, follow a doctor's orders and get the tests done, that is the prudent decision. In that way an illness can be detected at an early-stage.
This morning Dr. Y would take a good look inside her bladder and that would rule out any tumor or inflammation lurking there. Manjula got dressed in a hurry, in very simple clothes. The long black skirt without any frills, that she wears all the time, and simple short cashmere top, this is what Manjula always does. When nervous or worried, she keeps her clothes to the simplest so that no thought is diverted towards her clothes. She didn't put on any makeup. Only a tinge of lipstick on her lips. She was ready in no time. Her husband Pallab told her to go to the car ‘I'd be right there’ he added. Manjula went to the garage and slid herself ever so fluidly in the front passenger seat.
Following retirement three years ago, Manjula has had lost 30 pounds. At the beginning she thought staying at home might make her fat. That was when she started eating boiled vegetables for lunch and supper. The initial few pounds dropped off as easily as the autumn leaves. From there the process started rolling and now 30 pounds lighter the stiffness of her joints have disappeared and her movements have turned fluid. The sacrifice is worth the payoff Manjula thinks to herself.
On reaching the hospital, as soon as she places her right foot on the threshold of the hospital’s main entrance, across the rows of chairs in the reception area in front of her, the elevator doors slid apart. Shipra and her husband Jotin came out of the elevator. Manjula stopped in her tracks, she knew Shipra and her husband very well. About four weeks back Manjula had called Shipra to know how she was doing. Shipra had informed that she was having some problems with the sensations of her legs. Otherwise she was fine. There the discussion had ended.
Manjula always believed Shipra had a bright smile and a bright face. Instead today her matte brown skin etched with fine creases blandly stared back at Manjula. Manjula squinted her eyes in search of the brightness in Shipra’s eyes and in her smile. Shipra’s wide apart lips and rows of bright teeth were there, but not her bright smile. Her eyes were not as bright as before either. Manjula took two more steps forward and looked intensely. She found that the fine skin folds around Shipra’s eyes had bunched together and formed dark hoods hiding her sparkling eyes. Shipra took more steps towards Manjula, as they came in hearing distance, Manjula asked, ‘you have come here also for a test, right’? Shipra’s husband who was already badly stooped, now stooped even further, almost doubled over leaning on a cane in front of him. Shipra flashed a smile at Manjula and told her, ‘now just like you I am also using a cane. Yes, just like you’. She put emphasis on the last uttered words.
Four years back Manjula had suffered a major stroke following that for six months or so she had used a cane. But now for a long time she had not needed that extra help. Manjula didn’t utter a word about that because she knew how happy Shipra was to mention the commonality ‘Remember? Just like you?’.
Manjula walked over to the hospital gift shop. A well run well managed store, loaded with nifty, fancy things at a reasonable price. Moreover the proceeds went to the hospital donation fund. Manjula wandered around in lazy steps, taking in the pleasant atmosphere. Somehow she felt guilty for enjoying herself. About four weeks back she had chatted with Shipra on the phone and Shipra had informed Manjula, she was walking and working out just fine, but the sensation in her legs were not quite the same. In this short period of four weeks that normally walking person has been reduced to a person, who had to lean on a cane to walk.
What will happen in another four weeks? Manjula wondered. Leaning on a walker? How far thereafter lies the possibility of using a wheel-chair? A stream of ice-cold water ran down Manjula’s spine. Manjula, her husband Pallab, Shipra and her husband Jotin, were all more or less of the same age group, well past middle-age, but had not yet stepped into old age. All of them were waging wars against the final destination, God’s inevitable end, death. They all were physically active. Shipra and Manjula worked out regularly , Jotin and Pallab played tennis. Jotin had undergone both hip replacements recently, Later on Shipra informed Manjula.
They all crowded at the pharmacy to pick up their medications against high blood-pressure, medications against high-cholesterol. On the top of that they also crowded at the Health-Food Store. Every morning each of them had a multivitamin tablet, followed by a Vitamin E tablet, followed by a Vitamin B12 tablet, and to be on the safe side they took multivitamins fortified with iron. Then there were two Omega 3 fatty acid capsules, three tablets of gingko Biloba for better memory, finally for the two women Calcium tablets fortified with Vitamin D. They were all engaged in waging a real war, spending a whole lot of dough at the pharmacy as well as at the health food store. They truly put their money where their mouths were. Dead serious. They were fighting for their most precious possessions, their lives. Death couldn’t be avoided, but the fight was to defer death. For how long? They did not know exactly. For days? For weeks? For months? Might even be for years. Who knows?
The war had to be waged with all their might and all their money. They all kept up with their multiple doctors’ visits, the dozens of tests, the dozens of referrals, the multitude of treatments, medications, surgeries, whatever weapons the arsenal offered. Each of them was ready to take on any challenge to defer death. No, these were no trouble, these were the so called calculated risks. If death has to be deferred, then these are the rules of the game. As Manjula was about to leave the gift shop right at the exit there was a large mirror with a wide wrought iron frame. Manjula chose her steps carefully, so that she didn’t have to look in the mirror and find out about her own matte, brown skin, etched with fine lines, or the fine skin folds around her eyes bunched together to hood her eyes. She could pretend, they weren’t there if she didn’t look in the mirror. Only detection makes them present. No detection, they were absent.
By now Shipra and Jotin were out the door, going down the sidewalk in small measured steps. Now Shipra stooped. Once again Manjula felt the beaded necklace she had just bought in the plastic bag. Once again she felt guilty. She had no right to buy the necklace when Shipra could barely walk. Manjula needed a bright thought. We all are brave soldiers, or as the Americans call brave troops, sometimes the Americans even call their soldiers heroes. The last word brightened Manual’s thoughts. Yes, that is what we all are, she told herself with a nod, and indeed we all are heroes.
We all are marching towards our final destination, our demise, only then would the war be over. The tug of war between a man and his fate would cease. Our destination remains the same, the way the North Star stays put at the same spot in the sky. That is how the traveler knows he would never lose his way and go astray. Neither shall we, the destination lets us know what kind of war to wage. We all have been thrown in the ocean, none of us know how to tread the water forever, none of us know how to swim ashore either, so we thrash, flail, scream, shout, wave and gulp knowing all the while drowning is the final destination, Reaching our North star.
Drowning is so to say, our final abode In life, however, the final destination doesn’t matter much, it is known to us from the moment of birth, it is not shrouded with enigma, and it is indelibly mapped in God’s final plan. In life it is the journey that matters. The mountains we climb, the rivers we swim across, the walks we walk, the falls we fall, the cuts, scratches, bruises and fractures we endure. The mistakes we make, eventually correct. The pains and sufferings our souls bow to. These are the factors life is measured by, not by the destination, where there might be nothing but profound silence and boundless repose. There no war to wage, no problem to solve, no challenge to face, no walk to walk, no fall to fall. In the final abode we just rest. Limitless, boundless rest.

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Pressure Cooker

It was about 6.30 or 7.00 in the evening. I was sitting at my writing table invoking the muse. My wife bulldozed into the room and said-Heiti Sunucha. These words are untranslatable in English. Only married Oriya man gets to hear that. For that matter all married Indian men get to hear those words in different languages: Ogo suncha in Bengali, Eji Sunteho in Hindi and so on. And when one hears those words spoken in a slightly nasal tone, like purring of a cat, he senses trouble. As I did and tried to avoid by not answering it. But she like the proverbial limpet or like an insurance agent (come to think of that she would have made an excellent insurance agent. Pity, how real talent is wasted in this country) never gives up. She sauntered near me and shouted - Sunucha (Do you hear me). After that amount of noise no self-respecting muse could linger on. So I put down my pen and looked at her-all ears. "We need a pressure cooker", she said without any further talk. Direct. Matter of fact.
"Pressure-cooker! But, why? I asked.
"To cook, what else?"I am already cooked by your pressure, Srimati. Why then do you need a pressure-cooker? I asked that to myself. I could not venture to say that loudly. Could I? "You see", she dragged a chair and sat beside me, "A pressure-cooker would save much time in cooking and fuel"... It would also cost me 500 rupees, I thought ..... "You go to office at 9.30. And often you have to ear half-cooked rice and curry, because it takes so long to cook in a handi. If we have a pressure-cooker, I could cook you a hearty meal. Daily. And in time."I know perfectly what would happen. She would get up even late. But I did not say anything. Seven years of married life has wizened me."Why are you sitting like a mummy? Say something. I want a pressure-cooker." She said, "All our neighbors have pressure-cookers. We don’t. Don’t we have any prestige!"
I did not understand the relation between having a pressure cooker and social prestige."Whenever any one of them comes to our home, she would say - hey, you don’t have even a pressure-cooker. How do you manage to cook without one? Phulei! (this again is one of those untranslatable Oriya terms. Better find out its meaning from your Oriya-knowing friends) You must get a pressure-cooker for me. Immediately. Tomorrow."I sensed, Srimati was in a real militant mood. If I fail to get her a pressure cooker there would be calamity of the worst kind.
So I went and coaxed one of my friends to give me a loan telling him a lie (or, did I speak the truth?) that my wife was sick and I needed money for her treatment and bought a pressure-cooker, appropriately named - ‘Prestige’."Prestige" arrived wrapped up in a cardboard box, and my Srimati was predictably happy. She planted a kiss on my hollowed cheek and ordered, Go and get a kilo chicken". "Chicken? - another 80 rupees down the drain or more appropriately down the throat, I thought. "Yes chicken, You don’t think we would ‘inaugurate’ the new pressure-cooker by cooking dal?", thundered my wife."Are you not scared of the Bird Flu"? I tried my best to refrain her.Don’t you read newspapers? If the chicken is cooked properly, there is no flu.Now I realize why wise men do not bring newspapers home.
So I went and bought a kilo of chicken. She opened the pressure-cooker with a flourish, and put it on the choolah. Now she would pour oil and fry the masala. Then she would put the meat on the masala and fry. They the cover would be put. Three seetis (Whistles). Bas, chicken ready. That was the theory. But there is always a gap between theory and practice. And this time the gap remained in the form of an obstinate cover that refused to close. I read the instruction manual; There is an arrow mark on the body of the pressure-cooker, another on the cover. Keep two arrow marks facing each other and gently move the cover to the left. She did exactly as per the instruction. The cover did not smugly close. Instead it rotated - Khad Khad, Kharar. My wife tried again and yet again- but to no avail. The cover was as obstinate as she was. ‘Made for each other’ - I thought in a feat of black-humor.Five minutes later, the pressure cooker cover won the battle. Srimati gave it a savage look and then turned to me - "That cover is defective. You should have checked that before buying. Useless bum!" She cursed her fact for perhaps the millionth time for marrying a good for nothing man like me, who could not even differentiae between a good pressure-cooker from a defective one.
Then I decided to take on that obstinate cover and by closing it teach a lesson to my Srimati that I was not that useless. So I literally tightened my belt and thought about the achievements of men to boost my morale. It was men who built space craft, Empire state Building, Submarines. Phoo Dorji climbed a top Everest without oxygen, Mihir Sen swam across English channel. There is virtually nothing that a man can not do, if he sets his mind to it,." I thought, and could I not close a pressure-cooker cover? What is closing a pressure cooker cover to climbing Everest.I squatted down, holding the pressure cooker between my two knees and tried to close its cover with all my force, intellect and ingenuity. But it beat me. Some men are born to be defeated everywhere, and I guess I am one of them. The cover rotated and rotated with that cranky, metallic sound. It never fitted in, like so many other things in my life.
I heaved a sigh, and gave up. And then, for the first time I saw our – mine and my Srimati’s reflections on the polished convex surface of the cooker. There they were. Small limbs. Small round eyes. Large crooked noses. Two ‘dressed’ chicken, cooked in the pressure of life.

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Adila

Adila was preparing for his arrival. every time she met Mustafa, she had renewed passion. Adila felt like she should express whatever she feels for him in the brief moments that he is with her, for, she didn’t want to leave anything unsaid. They hadn’t had a very smooth path up until now. Constant fights, and pressures from all quarters were insurmountable. All that they had was each other and that too, in bits, Adila felt, was falling apart. She always saw love in Mustafa’s eyes.. Never a moment of anything else. But of late, this love was of different colors and mostly accompanied by a ‘how could you do this to me Adila’. Adila’s father was preparing for her nikah. This was despite her wishes. Try as she could, Adila could not stop her father in time. Although no ceremonies had been held yet, by the time Adila had it called off, amidst much family shame and sharp stings at her character, it was too late. Mustafa was already far away. He was understandably angry and visibly upset. She knew he loved her, but whether they would be together, she hadn’t the faintest idea.Adila was getting ready for his arrival. She was adorning her tiny feet with mehndi. The patterns were brilliant and Adila stood afar, bending down to admire the piece of art she had created in Mustafa yamin’s name. She patiently left it on and went to sleep, hoping the colors would come alive by the morning. Up at 5, Adila quietly went to the baodi, and dipped her feet in the cold water. A brilliant maroon was what emerged. Adila’s tiny feet shone with grandeur fit for a bride.Today she was to meet Mustafa. She rehearsed in her head, how she would ask him to look for his name, the alphabets carefully scattered and intricately interwoven in the design on her feet. And when he would fail, she would coyly point out, M..U..S..T..A..F..A..Adila went often to the dargah of Baba Aulia and asked for his blessings.. Sometimes, she just went there to vent herself.. But today, she went to pray, for the second time, for her union with Mustafa. That he wanted to see her was a positive sign, but Adila just wanted to make sure. She bought a ‘mannat ka dhaaga’ at baba’s dargah and with flowers in her hands, and painted feet, she proceeded to meet baba. The dargah premises was made entirely of white marble. It was pristine, and beautiful. It shown with baba’s presence. There was a ‘jaali ki makaan’ through which Adila had to pass before she went to the dargah. There were two tiny steps that had to be descended before she could reach the main aangan. As she set her first foot down, she noticed how her feet shone against the white marble. It was reminiscent of the first steps a bride takes in her new home. That scene was now etched in Adila’s memory forever. And she felt bright. She felt like she was Mustafa’s blushing bride. Adila met her beloved with great enthusiasm, but noticed he wasn’t talking much. She prodded, but got no response. After a while, they went to a small room, where they often had had their romantic afternoons and passionate evenings. They made love. As they did today. It was different thought Adila. It was not that fiery. Something was missing.After all was done, and they had dressed, Mustafa came close to Adila and said it was all over and this would be their last time. Adila froze. She didn’t know what to say. She cried and he cried and she pleaded and begged and fell to his feet. Nothing worked. She knew he had his reasons.. But her heart was screaming in sheer pain.That evening, at the time of prayer, Adila went to baba. She stepped on the marble steps again, this time her hair was disheveled and she smelt part herself and part of Mustafa’s attar. She descended from the steps as she had in the morning, but this time, her feet didn’t shine.. What was a sight of beauty was now an embarrassment to Adila.. She felt all the eyes staring at the patterns on her feet and laughing at her stupidity..Adila meant justice. What an irony.As she sat to do her prayers, tears rolled down her eyes, she meant to scream, but suppressed her voice. Somewhere in the background, a group of men sang to babaji, one of Khusro’s odes of love..
She felt they sang for her that day..
“jaaon..na jaaon..
piya ki gali..
Raangein paaon pakdi gayi jo chali..
roshan roshan pairon se,
Khud hi sharmaaon,
Main is pag us pag doloon,
Jaaon na jaaon,Pagli kar dini”

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The Fellow Traveller

It is late October and I have completed the first part of my travels with Sudhakar. Wanting to get an early start to our respective destinations, we are at a roadside tea shop opposite the bus stand and it is not yet 6.30 am. There is furious activity at the shop and we are transfixed by the rhythm of the tea making. A Salem bus arrives across the road perfectly timed with the end of our tea break and I run for it without having time to formally take leave of Sudhakar and Raja. Raja's last words as I board the bus – get down if you don't find a seat. The bus is full and I am about to do his bidding when the conductor - a sharp businessman – entices me with the promise that half the bus will empty out at Uttangarai, the next stop. So I stay and buy the ticket all the way to Salem.Eventually, we arrive at Uttangarai and the promised evacuation occurs. I take the window on a seat for three. A young man sits next to me, crowding me in to leave ample space for a middle aged woman to sit next to him. Both have boarded the bus at Chengam with me and they obviously know each other. The windows of the bus have stiff canvas shutters that can be folded and tucked away at the top or let down all the way. All the shutters are down; no one wants to brave the cold morning air. A quick stolen view through the window shows a surreal world enveloped in dense fog. Are we really in Tamil Nadu? I turn to my neighbour and strike up a conversation. Lines of character begin to emerge slowly from the anonymity of a chance co-passenger. The conversation flows easy. My neighbour is not shy to talk, answer my questions or ask some of his own. He 'cuts' bricks for a living. (That is how a brick maker describes his job in Tamil.) Yes, he has a small bit of land - perhaps 40 cents - enough for cutting and baking bricks. He buys the different types of mud and clay required. Water is available. The bricks fetch a better price in Chennai - Rs 3 or 3.50, but then, one has to organize and pay for the transport and have enough bricks ready to fill the truck. So he prefers to sell locally at a lower price. Where did he learn to make bricks, I ask? Both his parents died early and he was forced to look for a job, he says. He left his village and travelled through various parts of north Karnataka for 5 years learning brick making and the art of eking out a living. Then he came back and settled down in his village, continuing with the same occupation. There were two brothers and a sister to look after and an aged grandmother. The villagers commented – “how can you expect your grandmother to feed and take care of the family? You must get married.” So he took on a wife. How long has he been settled in the village, I ask? 5 years, he says. And he is now all of 24. That means he must have wandered off in search of work when he was just 14. One brother is a tractor driver and another, a mason. Both jobs fetch a relatively decent daily wage and there is work to be had throughout the year – more fortunate than most people in the village, I think. But the brother who is a mason has a tendency to shirk work and finds excuses to not go to work.This joint family must be reasonably well off, I presume. Till I learn that he has taken a loan of Rs 50,000 from a village money lender at 2% interest. That is 2% monthly interest! Most of his earning goes back to repay the loan, he says. Loans cost even 3% and 4%. He seems to think that he has been lucky paying only a 2% interest. All this in a very matter of fact way! There is no trace of self pity in his voice or manner. It is his turn to ask me questions. Why was I there in Chengam? Where did I come from? I tell him about our 'project’ in a Chengam village. Then the difficult question: “What is there in it for you” he asks?We halt at Harur. I get down and buy the ‘Hindu’ and banana's for my breakfast. I have to coax him to eat one. He is more interested in the paper, the sports page, to be precise. When the bus starts again, he is leaning all over me to stare at the pictures on the sports page. He does not know how to read or write - English or even Tamil - he tells me. "But I know everything about cricket. I can tell you about all the cricketers in the India team and even the Australia team". He proceeds to identify Harbhajan and Ishant in the photograph on the sports page. Yes, they play cricket in their village. And they love to watch matches on the television - I wonder what he makes of the English commentary. He has a strong opinion on who should be included in the team for the next test. We are easy friends. He holds the palm of my left hand between his two hands when he talks. "I have no bad habits", he tells me - "I don't smoke or drink. Of course, I have friends who do and I spend time in their company. My mother told me never to smoke or drink. In the village, everybody knows I am a good boy"We reach Salem and the bus empties rapidly. I just have time to ask him his name. I think he said ‘Venkatesh’, but I can't be certain now as I write. But I won’t forget the trusting way this brick cutter held my hand.

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