Of White Ambassador, Red Light, Civil services....

Just another festive season in progress and will come to its closing stage, like all did in last 12 years, when I have been out of home. Every time this festive season comes I sense like a saddle on me. It like chastisement for some one like me who has been staying away from home for 12 yrs, i.e., A Kumbh Mela time.. In this 12 years have been in home in one deewali and one holi which seems like ages back. When this season starts with Raksha Bandhan I feel like another 6 months of lonesome feeling, and in this 6 months its like 20 days of festivals Things were much different in my child hood days when I use to wait & then enjoy festivals like any thing. Holi used to be my favourite festival, this festival I used enjoy like a small kid enjoys flying balloons. Deewali was time to burst crackers all night, which used to last some 2-3 days. Dad used to get annoyed by bursting sound of crackers but I for all time managed to find some new place to burst by happiness, joy and my rockets. But with age priority changes and they can change drastically as in my case. Things are now moving at snail’s pace or I should say at even slow pace. Last two years geared up for civil services and it was like I eat, slept and dreamt of it. Wanted to be like by brother who is an IPS officer, gave my best but I guess that wasn’t an adequate amount of, at least result of interview suggested so, couldn’t get the service I was looking for. While preparing for civil services it was like ultimate Pariah life, no net, no socialization, no family, no festivals. Just office, coaching and back home for studies. Was in Mumbai till prelims but was transferred to Delhi after that, still continued with it. Did nicely in Prelims and Mains but some how managed to mess up in interview. But I don’t what I thought of myself as if I was very sure of clearing it, I don’t know what was reason behind such thinking of mine. I was like broken completely. But then realized its open entrance and I am no Einstein. So I took my time and then decided to give it another shot. So the show goes on and role remain same, watching dreams and watching it alone (this thing doesn’t remain same). “For.” So its like when you are struggling hard you struggle alone. Well who know God must have his own plan his best laid plans. So trying my best to take things in my stride. Just keep on motivating myself. But at times it becomes difficult and we tend to get bogged down by the way things unfold in front of us. But this is time when we get chance to prove yourself and prove our guts, having said that like most I am also not born to prove any thing to any one, its proving to myself, its when I get up in morning I am able to say myself “ a day has began, I should look forward to it” and not “Aah! Another day! It’s going to be another 24 hrs of agony”

So, some how managing to run after the dreams of becoming civil servant, but the intensity has gone down. If I say circumstances and family, personal problem is reason for all these, I would be looking for excuses. As I strongly believe we should look for reasons for doing things rather looking for not doing it. We will always have 100 reasons to do particular things and 100 reasons for not doing the same. So right now looking for reasons for doing it. Some near ones still believe I can do it on other hand some believe I am wasting my time. Now it’s up to me whom should I consider. Well no prizes for guessing is trying to be in positive frame of mind so would take formers.
We should be careful and discriminating in all the advice we give. We should be especially careful in giving advice that we would not think of following ourselves. Most of all, we ought to avoid giving counsel which we don't follow when it damages those who take us at our word.

Some how need to socialize more, I need to feel like human, well tying hard but sadly haven’t come out with any positive results. Hope I do in near future….

Hope is the last thing that dies in man; and though it be exceedingly deceitful, yet it is of this good use to us, that while we are traveling through life it conducts us in an easier and more pleasant way to our journey's end

"If one advances confidently in the direction ofhis dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours"