Silence is the most powerful scream.

He was lying on floor with cotton ball in his nose, face seemed as if he will speak anytime, soul still alive, body dead though, slender white beard on his face, clad in his light blue shirt, his sharp nose pointing towards heaven, as if he has just slept watching TV (as he usually did) mummy sitting alongside him, he spoke ….I woke up in the dark room, struggling to know where actually I am, after few seconds I realized I was sleeping & it was just another bad dream. It’s been haunting me for some time now. If dream have meaning then what to make out of this dream in which a dead man talks and the dream comes to an abrubt end, like it always did. I’m never able to sleep after such a dreaded dream. Its been haunting me every now and then. But that’s life- no one lives eternally. So one fateful day dad left me. No complain with almighty. If its his wish, let it be like this only.

The idea of death, the fear of it, haunts the human animal like nothing else; it is a mainspring of human activity - designed largely to avoid the fatality of death, to overcome it by denying in some way that it is the final destiny of man.

It’s been some time since I have preferred to be silent, instead of talking, explaining, convincing, pleading and begging. I realized Silence is good option at times provided you are ready to face Emotional Terrorism & Mental Tsunami, believe me its really like torturing yourself mentally. I am still on experimentation on how silence works? Still waiting for first outcome of silence. Lets see how long I can continue like this? How long its takes for silence to start working. Whether it works or not but one thing is sure I have no other option, I tried my best by articulating thought process, explaining every bit and byte, convincing, pleading, some time angrily, at times, with love. But none worked more I tried more I failed and I failed miserably, ending in a sorry figure all the time. So if say silence is last option left with me I won’t be wrong. Even though it means punishing myself. I am ready for it, already doing.
Mirza Ghalib said “ aah ko ek umr lagte hai asar honey tak” (it takes ages for your agony to have its affect) Let me see how long it takes mine to show its affect. Not sure if it will have any. I am almost sure I will come out of all this but at the same time I know it going to be test of nerves, patience (its not at all associated with me), tolerance and lot many. Completely stopped explaining things and convincing any one, as more I convince more the things get complicated and as said earlier at the end of all, its me who feel sorry, looking like a complete Joker who can only cry alone, leave making any one smile. Left the door of life completely opened who so ever wishes to walk in can and if some one wants to walk out they can. I don’t have any option or choice as beggars can never be choosers. Like every phase, bad or good, this will pass of giving me hardest lesson of life, I need to remember this for all my life as it will give me clearer picture of things to come and will also help me tackling the crisis situation in a better way, which I badly necessitate. I am still not what I will loose ot what I’ve lost in all these but I am very sure lessons are learned by me. It can’t prolong like this either its changes or I perish. If it doesn’t changes I will perish. Then probably some one, some where will realize what I wanted to convey all this while, I would be happy to perish if all the question marks put on me perishes with me. Which have put question marks on the existence of mine and reason behind why not rather than trying to know why?
Find it very hard to locate a human around me with whom I can share all or ask for any suggestion so switched to writing here and at times on my diary, I realized that it’s a nice way of easing myself. I don’t know for how long I will keep on writing like this but so far so good… I won't speak unless I can improve the silence, Aah! me and my resolutions....

Lonely is just one word chosen to represent so much
To tell of feelings inside that the senses cannot touch

Lonely can be in the teardrops on a bereaved person’s cheek
Lonely can be in the silence of sorrows too deep to speak

Lonely can haunt a deserted room that Laughter once made proud
Lonely surrounds you when you’re alone or finds you in a crowd

Lonely is heard in echoed footsteps of a departing friend
Lonely penetrates the solitude of nights that will not end

Lonely will not listen to the pleadings of a broken heart
Lonely stays and torments until new Love shatters it apart