When going gets tuf...

When things don’t fall in places we tend to name it destiny. Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.”
Last 3 months or so has been such torrid time with me when not a single thing has fallen in its place, and its just getting shoddier with every ephemeral day, to day is another day when i couldn’t sleep all night. When things go accordingly we just think we are king & nothing can shatter us but God has his own way of making his occurrence felt. Now going though worst phase of life, it’s like hell out here. Its not the bad times or the financial crisis which makes us feel abandoned, neglected & ignored, it has more to do with so called near and dear ones approach towards us in the bad times. I steadfastly believe when some one is in trouble we as humans should try to motivate, provide support (in whatever way we can), persuade to live and move on. But very forlornly in my case i was brought down to my knees, its like when I was swimming every one climbed on my shoulders and when i am sinking they just putting their feet on me so that i can sink sooner than later. having said that i expect a lot from my near ones and believe me its serious hitch in any human's nature but at the same time we all are humans and tend to get back in whatever way we can, as we gave our best. But right now its like " Avinash you in predicament, you stay unaided".
Things would have been nice if it defunct here itself but then comes the most horrible part interrogation, questioning, mistrust ...I am constantly put under scanner. now the situation is such I prefer enduring silent as an alternative of elucidation things and expecting, which is completely contradictory to my nature, but as more I give explanation more things get convoluted, I was and still taken for Granted but couldn’t take any one for granted. But then at times, we are not left with too many options. Some will have a preference leaving you alone even though they know million words from rest and one word from them is more touching. If I am not applauding my self then I would say I am a very close analyzer, I can analyze things from both micro & macro level, so at times it bad as it gives me clearer picture and clear picture is not time and again pleasing. Having said expecting a moral or for that matter any kind of support is human, but its still worst part of nay relationship, if I can stop expecting, I can really be something in my life or at least come out of this agony, but then it would be Avinash- The Saint
BUT its completely wrong to blame some one else for your troubles, it has lot to do with your self, I usually go to my excessive when it comes to expressing love, anger, any emotions, helping some one, I mean whatever human proceedings are there I just go to peak and according to my mom this the worst part and as she said once to me that is reason why when you don’t get back all that you have given you feel bad and get depressed. But my mom once explained why we expect? Like this:-
It's important to remember that feminism is no longer a group of organizations or leaders. It's the expectations that parents have for their daughters, and their sons, too. It's the way we talk about and treat one another. It's who makes the money and who makes the compromises and who makes the dinner. It's a state of mind. It's the way we live now. A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the "why" for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any "how."
On ignorance my mom had this angle:-
Live this day as if it will be your last. Remember dat u will only find ''tomorrow'' on the calendars of fools. Forget yesterday's defeats and ignore the problems of tomorrow. This is it. Doomsday. All you have. Make it the best day of your year. The saddest words you can ever utter are, ''If I had my life to live over again. ''Take the baton, now. Run with it! This is ur day! Beginning today treats everyone you meet, friend or foe, loved one or stranger, as if they were going to be dead at midnight. Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.”
“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”Well it’s tough to understand scholar mom explanations at times but she did this long back with immense ease.
Nothing is permanent except for change, so hopefully this bad phase will pass off like good ones did. But lessons learned will be carried all my life, the agony, the negligence, the insult which i suffered and still suffering will give hardest lessons of life, i will bounce back, i have to...this torrid time closed some doors, which i always thought are opened for me, but at t the same time opened some new one which i always thought are of no or less use for me, never counted on them. Well see the time, some time we need to buck up our self, but that’s the best way also. Come what may God, help me out, if i have done a single deed right in my life help me out. Still remember my father’s words:-
“It’s choice--not chance--that determines your destiny. It is in ur moments of decision that your destiny is shaped”
my dad, though he is no more, i never find any one words more guiding & applicable and any one's words more important & effective than his, Hope he was in this world to guide me as he did all his life.....