Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise.

Friday, January 30, 2009

During Surgery

Things You Don't Want to Hear from Doctor During Surgery: -

  • Oops! Has anyone seen my watch?
  • That was some party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk.
  • Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!Well this book doesn't say that...
  • This is truly a freak of nature.Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
  • Come back with that! Bad Dog!
  • Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
  • Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
  • Damn, there go the lights again...
  • Ya know, there's big money in kidneys.
  • Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.
  • Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
  • Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
  • I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.
  • Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

43 comments:

Dr. Aradhna January 30, 2009 at 8:15 AM  

that was something.....liked it
:-)

Dr. Neha Srivastav January 30, 2009 at 8:19 AM  

dnt worry ashok next post wud be on engineers

Anouska Awasthi January 30, 2009 at 8:26 AM  

thats something not good 2 be Dr like me...lolz
:-)

Alec January 30, 2009 at 8:27 AM  

wonder if it really happens

Shalini Chopra January 30, 2009 at 8:30 AM  

he he :-)
poor patient,,,wat will go in patients mind if this really happenson in operation theatre?

Ruchika Mittal January 30, 2009 at 8:40 AM  

Doctor (to the patient): Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you
take it?
Patient: Yes, sir. But I did not drink it.
Doctor: Why?
Patient : (Pointing to the bottle) : Because it is written on the label:
Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.

Ruchika Mittal January 30, 2009 at 8:41 AM  

Doctors son: Well, dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me
some guidelines of success.
Doctor father: Always, write your prescriptions
illegibly and your bills legibly.

Ritu January 30, 2009 at 8:44 AM  

Doctor to patient: Why are you nervous?
Patient: Because this is the first item I am going to have An operation.
Doctor: But I am not nervous though this is going to be my first operation.

Anonymous,  January 30, 2009 at 8:44 AM  

Patient: Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am
ninety?
Doctor: How old are you now?
Patient: 40
Doctor: Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?
Patient: No. I don't drink. I don't gamble. I don't smoke. I have no vice.
Doctor: Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?

Anonymous,  January 30, 2009 at 8:45 AM  

A man with a bad rash on his hands went to his doctor.
The latter examined his hands carefully for sometime and consulted many
large volumes on his shelves. Finally, he asked the patient : Have you had
this trouble before?
He answered: Yes.
Doctor said: You have again got it.

Anonymous,  January 30, 2009 at 8:46 AM  

Patient: I am sorry to call you to my house so far away from your chamber
at this time of night.
Doctor: Don't worry. I have another patient near here. So I can Kill two
birds with one stone.

Swati January 30, 2009 at 8:47 AM  

asks the first one, "What have you done to enter Heaven?"

"I am a pediatrician and have brought thousands of the Lord's babies into the world."

"Good enough to enter the gates," replied St. Peter and in he goes. The same question is asked of the second doctor.

"I am a general practioner and go to Third World countries three times a year to cure the poor." St. Peter is impressed and allows him through the gates.

The third doctor steps up in line and knowing the question, blurts out, "I am a director of a HMO."

St. Peter meditates on this for a while and then says, "Fine, you can enter Heaven... but only for 2 days."

Ria Taneja January 30, 2009 at 9:06 AM  

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"

The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."

"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.

"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."

"Like this?"

"A little more..."

"Like this?"

"No. A little more..."

"Like this?"

"Yes. Does that hurt?"

"A little bit."

"Now stretch it over your head!"

Anonymous,  January 30, 2009 at 9:06 AM  

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"

The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."

Anonymous,  January 30, 2009 at 9:07 AM  

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."

Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."

The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"

The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night."

Rashmi January 30, 2009 at 9:08 AM  

A man is talking to the family doctor. "Doc, I think my wife's going deaf."

The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."

The man goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no answer. He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her.

Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I said we're having MEATLOAF!"

Anonymous,  January 30, 2009 at 9:12 AM  

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen."

She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replied, "Sure."

She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He said, "No, I can remember that."

She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."

He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

Anonymous,  January 30, 2009 at 9:13 AM  

A man stops by his regular doctor with this strange discolouring of his genitals. The doctor was quite amazed. He had never seen such a shade of orange on a man's privates. After a very thorough examination, the befuddled doctor finally confessed he had no ideas.

So he said to the man "I don't quite understand what is going on here." Then he asked, "so tell me what is it you do?"

The man said, "not much, really."

The doctor asked, "Do you work?"

The man replied, "no I have been laid off for months."

The doctor then said, "well, what is it that you do all day?"

The man replied "not much really, I sit around, watching porno's and eating cheetos all day..."

Anonymous,  January 30, 2009 at 9:13 AM  

Three woman and their children were outside their psychiatrist's office. The wily old doctor was able to diagnose any complaint after asking the patient a few questions. The first woman went in and the doctor asked her a few questions and proclaimed: "Madam, all you ever think is food! That is why you named you daughter Candy!"

"Why," exclaimed the woman, "you're absolutely right, doctor!"

Then it was the second woman's turn. She got the same treatment and the doctor pronounced: "Madam, you're obsessed with the thought of money. That is why you named you daughter Penny!"

"You're right, doctor!" exclaimed the second woman and left.

The third woman, who had been listening to all this, got up indignantly and said: "What rubbish! I don't believe a single word you said. Obsessions indeed!"

Then waving to her little son to follow her, she said: "Let's go home now Dick."

Priya Talwar January 30, 2009 at 9:14 AM  

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"

"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"

"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2

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