City Nightmare: Eve Teasing
It can be office & anywhere else: There is a motley group of people at a bus stop. Two boys on a motorbike pull up and start needling a couple of girls. Sleazy remarks are passed and one of the boys even grabs a girl’s hands. The enraged girls start fighting back, a few bystanders get involved and the boys are taken to task. The situation slowly cools down, the boys are let off the hook with a few threats and the girls board their bus, vindicated.
The dressing has lot to do with eve-teasing : With intrusion of western culture, the dessing of delhi woman has changed drastically in last decade or so, it might not be the sole reason but yes it does attrcts eve teasers. This scene could be an everyday occurrence in Delhi. Except for one detail—the harassers, the harassed and a couple of the bystanders are actors who have just enacted a skit that their ‘audience’ is unaware of, as a part of something known as ‘Invisible Theatre’.In invisible theatre, a previously rehearsed skit addressing a social theme is performed in a public space without the people’s knowing that it is a play.
Defend youself: Girls are motivated to learn at leats basic defensing tactics, and knowing few martial arts kicks and punches can help them. Often, the actors will not just consist of the oppressors and the oppressed, but also those pretending to be passers-by who voice strong opinions, as a means of encouraging the ‘real’ passers-by to do the same. The concept is part of the Theatre of the Oppressed, developed by Brazilian director Augusto Boal in the 1970s. “This was during the time of the military junta, when there was heavy censorship.
Kick them down: In Delhi, invisible theatre is being used as a means to provoke discussion. Like the series of skits done in March 2007 by Jamghat, a Delhibased NGO that rehabilitates street children. The group has done 40 performances in buses on the theme of sexual harassment.
Beware of strangers: “The idea is that the impact will be more. If people see something unfolding in front of them they will react and take action,” says Amit Sinha, director of Jamghat. Iyer clarifies: “Invisible theatre is not about making someone a ‘bakra’, it’s not condescending. It’s about responsibility, humility and learning.”For most actors, this is a new genre and there are some things to keep in mind. “The group needs to come together and understand why they are doing this. They have to trust each other and know when to stop,” says Iyer. “The actors have to follow certain guidelines. They have to know how to involve people and control the situation, making sure it doesn’t get violent,” adds Sinha.The theme and response depends on the location. In rural areas, Iyer has had teams cover issues of panchayat voting and women’s reservation. In Delhi, the issues have been smoking and harassment.“People were far more responsive in outer Delhi compared to those in the city. Apathy is an urban phenomenon. It’s different in rural areas, there’s more involvement,” she says. But it’s not easy to get a reaction. Sinha talks with frustration of the indifference his team encountered on the buses. “People in Delhi are not bothered. Sometimes, other women in the bus even told our girls to not make a big deal,” he says. Iyer is more charitable: “A few of the boys who were part of the bus performances understood by the end of the project how harassment affects girls.That was the high point. There is so much possible. The ultimate aim is to get people to change.”
Offenses against Women in India
Acid Attacks on women
Molestation in empty train compartments
Outraging of Modesty in Offices
Sexual Harassment
Eve Teasing in Buses, etc
Sexual Assaults in Discotheques, Pubs, Public places
Humiliation of Women
Jayabala Asher was pushed out of the running train by Drug addicts in Mumbai.
Stalking & Following
Alcoholic Offenses
Acid Attacks on women
Molestation in empty train compartments
Outraging of Modesty in Offices
Sexual Harassment
Eve Teasing in Buses, etc
Sexual Assaults in Discotheques, Pubs, Public places
Humiliation of Women
Jayabala Asher was pushed out of the running train by Drug addicts in Mumbai.
Stalking & Following
Alcoholic Offenses
32 comments:
Eve teasing is not a new thing, and it is not only in Dharwad, it is every where. I think instead of going legally we should handle this problem morally. We are forgeting our moral values, our moral code of conduct, thats why this all thing is happening.
And it is not only men responsible for this to some extent women are also resposible. To tell you truth everyone, everyone including me is just looking for a chance to molest women.
soo Women should'nt give that chance. Even chance is given, why cant a woman give him a tight slap,shout on him loudly in Public, a little bit of curage can set right all the things.
We all today just say big things, women libration,women empowerment, women equality, we just say say and say and do nothing.
We need to change ourselves. Redefine our moral Code of Conduct.
know it's been a while since this message was posted. However, I would like to comment on it. The eve teasing is prevalent in all most all parts of the world. So far there is female kind and the male kind it is going to be there.
And the law? It is going to go after the crimes are eliminated. Who wants that. I know eve teasing is bad. I have done it too in my college days. I was not a bad person. But, I thought it was fun. Mostly everyone is like that.Especially in the towns like Dharwad which is still pristine compared to other big cities that are already cosmopolatized. Women should develop a different attitude towards it. They can always reciprocate to that the way they want it. We all know that Dharwad is not a scary place. People are mild and scared unlike Mumbai or Bihar.
Anyways, that was just a thought. Dharwad guys! Please be considerate about your opposite sex. This is why we can't get Dharwad girls to take out on a date. Peace out Y'all.
i do think too that India ( is pretty safe relatively, if you factor in the zillions of really poor people and the many social divisions. Some countries in that circumstance are virtually permanent war zones.
Suggestions on ways to deal with Eve teasing?
I'm not talking about wearing modest clothing and not walking alone at night; how do you handle yourself after you find yourself in a situation?
If some pervert rubs up on me, is telling him to "piss off" in English going to be very effective?
I'm sure that any harassers reaction is going to be different depending on the situation, but as problematic as steriotyping is, I'm wondering if there differences in how an American vs an Indian harasser might respond to a woman fighting back.
The best method is to be loud and precise.
Make it known that someone is doing the wrong thing to you (or friends) and point at them.
Crowds will form very quickly and the majority of Indian people do not tolerate this sort of behaviour. I have read of people (the perps) getting beaten up by locals for doing this sort of thing.
don't want to tell you not to worry about it at all, because yes it's an outside possibility. And probably more likely than it would be at home if you live in a suburb where you drive everywhere and don't spend a lot of time in crowds of strangers.
But I didn't get sexually harrassed at all the entire 2 months I was in India (aside from a creepy moment with a rickshaw wallah who was already trying to scam me, anyway). And I'm in the prime demographic for it (young, traveling alone, petite, fair, etc).
All in all, unless you fear that you are in immediate physical danger, I'd just deal with it the same way you would at home. Perhaps getting a little more vocal or physical than usual, if you really think it's necessary.
However, as long as you dress respectfully and try to be aware of how social signals differ between Western and Indian cultures, you'll probably be fine.
Edit because I just noticed you're a New Yorker -- seriously, you have nothing to worry about. Just do exactly what you do at home (though I guess flipping the bird might be lost in translation, so definitely go vocal).
And as for taking on that teenage turd (he'll be a teenager, even though he might be 30. Or 40...) --- he probably won't have been alone, probably wouldn't have had the guts to do anything by himself. You don't know what they are saying to each other; who is calling who, who is going to appear from nearby... you cannot tell how a crowd situation might turn out.
If, however, you happen to be by a building site, and can (despite the language difference) invoke instant support from the sisters labouring thereon, then tearing the little bastard to bits might pass a few minutes in a satisfactory fashion
I naturally had to look up the etymology of the expression (inquisitive mind, right, and it was new to me, too)... didn't get me very far though; it appears "to give someone the bird" is an older term in various forms of English for being dismissive or derisive of someone (for reasons that I haven't found out -- I'm thinking now maybe the wagging of a hand or so?), which then somehow but unexplainedly got mixed up with the common gesture, itself said by many sources to date from ancient Roman or Greek times at least (the gesture seems to be alluded to in some plays of the time), presumably some phallic thing.
Anyway to the topic at hand, just a note in view of the somewhat gleeful expectation to have someone beaten up by bystanders: Mob violence in India is generally not a pretty sight and this is a vast understatement, if you ever get to witness it, you might wish you had never wished for it. Just something to keep in mind before possibly unleashing a crowd on some perpetrator for some minor offence.
That is not to say that I wouldn't agree calling public attention to your situation is your best line of defence, and the common advice (I'd say this is far safer and wiser even than the tight slap with unpredictable results, certainly if you're a stranger all on your own -- it may sound cool, but what are you gonna do if it gets out of hand); just try to keep things in perspective.
I wish this were true, but it's not.
You can cover yourself with a sack, with just two eye-holes, and still get targetted. Especially in public transport, and crowded bazaars.
Whatever you do, don't take is silently, show your anger, and create a scene.
I have on one occasion clobbered a slimeball with my handbag, and had him beg for mercy. Was it satisfying? No.
I was still feeling so violated and angry. But atleast he got the message, and yes, now when I think back, that image of me whacking that guy's head actually makes me laugh...
But I think it's best if you stayed away from physical retaliation. Just raise your voice, draw attention to yourself, and the rat will slink away
Anyway to the topic at hand, just a note in view of the somewhat gleeful expectation to have someone beaten up by bystanders: Mob violence in India is generally not a pretty sight and this is a vast understatement, if you ever get to witness it, you might wish you had never wished for it. Just something to keep in mind before possibly unleashing a crowd on some perpetrator for some minor offence.
The hardest situations are when someone is standing very close, but it is hard to tell if they are standing too close on purpose so they can stand against you, or if it is just your Western personal space being affronted. Saying a loud, but not screaming, "Excuse me" while stepping away is a good way to get out of it. Then, if they are being out of line, they won't want attention drawn to themselves and will slink away. If they were just too close, you still haven't actually accused them of anything--just made it clear that you are uncomfortable with someone in your space. If they don't back off, and your instincts are sending red flags, they probably are being inappropriate. Say "excuse me" louder, or "A little space."
As someone mentioned earlier, out and out groping is more the drive by/walk by variety.
See also other threads about encountering strange men, being too friendly. Not appearing approachable or an easy target also helps with those things.
But I have never had trouble when traveling or on the trains of this type. At least, not physically. What the guys giggling as you walk by are saying is always hard to tell. I have had trouble at the bus stop in Mysore and Bangalore (KSRTC, not local), even when fellow friends, with cat callers and gropers. So you may or may not have any issues.
On the bus or something it seems unavoidable, but usually they will try to turn their back to you or make it clear they are trying not to be near you if at all possible.
I was given the advice on cultural adjustment (to a group), "It is just your own issue with personal space and you need to adjust to the culture, not them adjust to you. Get used to it, it is not because they are being inappropriate." Bad bad bad advice.
Other advice: Head for a group of women. In a crowded situation, purposely put yourself in the midst of women. DO NOT get yourself into a situation where you're surrounded by guys. Women tend to stick together, and they will not think you strange at all to come stand with them. Indian women would never allow themselves to be stuck in a crowd of strange men, so this will be clear body language that you are not being appropriate, no matter how you are dressed.
The main reason I stress that it's really not that likely to happen, and that it didn't happen to me at all, is that I feel like there's this weird assumption by western women traveling to the "developing world" that they are going to be sexually harassed constantly. We've talked about it here, I know. But the more I think about it, the more it chafes.
Yes, this is something that "can" happen. And, sure, best to be aware that it's a possibility; always good to be prepared. But bottom line? I don't think it's something that western women need to be particularly worried about in India, at least not any more than we are worried about it every time we leave the house, in general. I was sexually harassed incessantly in Italy, but I don't remember this level of fervor about it prior to my trip.
I'm sorry, but all this Women's Travel Safety stuff just wears thinner and thinner, especially now that I'm on the other end of it.
On a more positive note, Cyhiraeth (am I spelling that right?) had questions about social signals. The easiest and most important thing to remember is that in India men and women are not expected to be platonic friends. You should be more careful about striking up casual conversations with strange men. Also, people are not expected to be as friendly with "the help" (whether chai-wallah, bellboy, driver, waiter, etc). Lots of smiles and eye contact can be perceived as a come-on, when you just thought you were being polite.
I asked why women expect this "just because" it's India, because would the same question be asked if they were traveling to New York, Chicago, the US in general, or any other country? OK, other than Italy because I think someone already mentioned being hassled there....
before I went to India the first time I was told about the "dress requirements" for western women. then I was told about "eve teasing" and that I should wear my backpack in front of me to always protect myself from all the groping men I was sure to encounter. then I found IM and asked about whether I REALLY had to have my ankles and shoulders covered up 24/7. I figured that at my fabulously delicious age there was nothing I'd find in India that I had not already experienced (i.e., as far as male attention) and there was nothing I could not handle.
when I got to tamil nadu the reality was different and I decided that if anything did occur I would deal with it just as I would if the same thing happened to me back home -- loudly and with force if need be. why would I deal with it any differently? jerks are jerks and they deserve the same treatment in India as they would get from me on the streets of Chicago or anywhere else.
I have traveled, now, through Thailand, Laos, India, Nepal, Mexico, and Haiti. Everywhere I have gotten extra attention for being white. I have traveled extensively through the US, driving across the country several times by myself. I was cautious staying by myself, and heeded warnings about remote rest stops and sleazy hotels, but never did I feel harassed or threatened.
I have felt both in India. Yes, part of it is because of having to rely on public transportation or being on the road, walking, a lot. That is an extra risk in any place, and I am careful traveling in other countries, too. But nowhere else, ever, have I gotten the same kind of treatment as in India. And I know that part of it is because I am American and there are certain assumptions that come with that. Part of it is being 31 and unmarried, traveling along through town. That makes me weird, and if I am not a normal woman who is married by that age, there must be a reason... and part of it is I am not very aggressive and don't respond quickly enough, loudly enough, or fiercely enough. India is teaching me that.
I have met a lot of great guys, men who would stand up for me in a heartbeat if they knew I were in trouble, men who would never ever disrespect a woman that way--Indian men. And I thank God for them or otherwise I might have thought all Indian men are "like that only"...
It may not be a big deal or life threatening to have a guy brush up against you or try to grab you, but it sure as heck feels like a big deal at the time. Heck, the auto wallahs making comments, the stares, the men cat-calling from the side of the road may not be a true danger, but they are threatening and nerve wracking, and not knowing how to deal with it even more so.
Don't get me wrong. I love India. I love being here. The moments of feeling unsafe are few and far between. I am not saying to be paranoid, but be careful. If you're used to handling these things, fine. But, be on guard--just as you would be extra aware of where your bags are and your wallet is in a crowded place known to be full of pick pocketers. Ask questions about what's ok and what's not. You are a foreigner, and that makes you an outsider and a target--which is true wherever you are an outsider. But here, being an outsider without protection is especially vulnerable, more so (in my experience) than in other places. And if it doesn't happen to you, and all that watchfulness seems like a wasted effort, be thankful.
So, again, don't be paranoid. Don't assume every sideways glance is someone targeting you. But be careful, and be aware of what's going on around you. That's all.
My advice is more or less the same as everyone elses:
Like you would anywhere else- let your response be proportionate to the offense.
The casual, walk by 'bump' isn't even something to be bothered with, but if someone gets in your face or is actually harrassing or molesting you- hurt them and make a scene. Apart from doing that, there's no reason for them not to go and treat someone else in a similar fashion. You'll be doing all your fellow sisters a favor.
Of course this does not apply to situations where you're isolated and outnumbered. In those instances, get to a public place quickly. If they make the mistake of following you, hurt them and make a scene.
Also, there's alot to be said for the way you carry yourself. If you feel like any sort of uncomfortable situation could develop, a stern look that says, 'don't f--k with me or I'll kick the s--t out of you' usually works wonders. Developing the ability to wield this look at will is an invaluable skill for travellers of both sexes in any part of the world. I'm convinced it's saved me from getting robbed on a number of occasions.
And additionally- One should keep in mind that overt friendliness between women and men is highly unusual (particularly on the woman's part), so be aware that treating men in the same way you'd treat your average male friends back home may result in some fairly weird behavior. Often it turns out with the man becoming honestly enamoured, but it depends on the person. Either way, it can become at least an annoyance if you're not careful. I'm not at all saying not to be friendly, but bear in mind that this sort of interaction is highly unusual. Try to think as if you were a man, and had never had a close female friend as an adult. Your openness may often be construed as intimacy.
Personally, I'm fond of asking the touts 'How's business today?". It let's them know that you're aware of the racket, and politely indicates that you're not likely to buy anything.
It's important to remember that as annoying as they may be, that they're just trying to make a living.
hello all,
i've been lurking a while and enjoying india mike enormously whilst planning my long-awaited return to india in july... what a great forum this is!
anyway thought i'd throw in my experiences...
i have met some great indian men who went out of their way to help me when i found myself in sticky situations during my 15 months in india in the early 90s. they were kind, chivalrous and totally respectful.
however i have also come across some complete pigs... my male friend and i were staying with an indian family in their very basic house in the jungle on vypin island and we had to sleep in the same room as the husband's single friend, who apparently thought it was acceptable to grope my left boob whilst i was sleeping. . when i told him to 'get his effing hands off me' he was bewildered. he considered that since i wasn't sleeping with my friend, i was fair game for him and he thought i was 'frigid' if i was 'not sleeping with someone'.
another time, i was walking down pahar ganj with my boyfriend and three indian guys passed, one of them grabbing my bum. i took hold of his collar, lifted him onto his toes and yelled 'how dare you touch me?' into his face. ...worked a treat! he turned to my boyfriend, terrified, and started apologising. this offended me even more so i informed him that he should be apologising to me! . ...which he proceeded to do. poor guy was completely humiliated in front of his friends and i doubt he ever tried that again.
i have to add that in all my time in india, i never actually felt in danger (except perhaps of disappearing down a 200 foot precipice in a bus!) - and certainly felt a lot more comfortable that i did while in turkey and morocco.
this also reminds me of the time i was travelling alone from madras to bangalore on the night train. i was booked into the ladies carriage but found myself in the compartment with 5 men! for those who don't know, these are enclosed compartments with a door... not ideal and i wasn't exactly happy! ...which i informed the guard when he came round. he was very sympathetic to my predicamant and though he did his best to find me somewhere else to sleep, there was no space.
being a very light sleeper and unable to sleep on buses and trains, i had got into the habit of some medicinal assistance to zonk me out while travelling .. so then i had a dilemma: do i do the valium or not?!!
'To hell with it', i thought, 'i'm on the top bunk' and took the pill (i was a bit reckless in those days and would not recommend this!!). ....next thing i knew, the train was in a station.. i looked around and found myself alone.... looked up the carriage and found the train deserted. at which point i realised we were in bangalore! to this day, i have no idea how long it had been since we had arrived, but the men in the carriage were obviously so respectful of my personal space that no-one woke me up!
all i could think was: at least the train terminated there and was not on its way to trivandrum
Hi all
Thought i'd add my experience with this. I've been to India twice. The firest time was with my then partner & i wasn't bothered at all (apart from staring of course). We told anyone that asked that we were married.
The second time was on my own & I had quite a different experience. Nothing too serious but enough to make me quite angry sometimes.
The most common was a man cutting me off when getting on a train & cupping his hand behind him to grab my crotch. I responded to this by yelling at punching them in the back & they always slinked off embarrased.
The worst was on an overnight train from McLeod to Dehra Dun when i woke up with the guy next to me's hand under my blanker & up my top. I was a bit stunned so said to him if you do that again I'll punch you in the face. Sure enough, woke up again a bit later (it was the last of a few long bus trips in a row & i just couldn't stay awake)& he had a hand up my top & the other trying to pull open my pants. I told him i'd warned him & elbowed him as hard as i could in the face. He held his face & got off at the next stop (in the middle of the night in the middle of no where. I wasn't game to look around but am sure the whole bus was watching.
i think the only way to deal with this is to shame them by yelling so others can hear or slapping/punching. Exactly what i'd do (if it every happened) at home.
This is a strange experience I had in 1998.
I visited the Jallianwala Bagh near to the Golden Temple Amritstar. As I was wondering around I became aware that I was being tailed by an Indian man in his 30's. Given the nature of the events that had happened there I had considered this place very sensitive regarding what the english had done there, and of course I being an english person I wanted to pay my respects to the victims of the massacre. Anyway I go to the museum he is still tailing me. I manage to shake him off and I prepare to look into the well where many of the victims died and it is there where this creep makes his move. He rushes me from behind and attempts to push himself onto me. I am so shocked by this I manage to get away from him and I run headlong into a sea of school children. They surround me and begin pulling at me touching my hair they seem not to have seen many white people. I stand there in stupifation really and shock. The creep has disappeared, and I spend the next hour having my photo taken with each of the children. It was a bizarre and unsettling experience. I felt unable to react. Beating him up in the place where there was a massacre would have been not looked on well.
Been watching this thread since the beginning and have found it interesting. It's a tough subject; only made worse, in my opinion, by the soft-handed term, "eve teasing." I can't imagine a less appropriate term for sexual harassment. Where'd that term come from anyway?
When I was a kid, I thought this stuff was funny -- at least I thought the idea of being harassed as a man was funny. Then, due to that misspent youth, I was incarcerated for a spell in my early twenties. I learned quickly how not-funny this kind of harassment is. Nothing but downright painful and ugly. It leaves you in a place where you experience the opposite of living; you suddenly see danger everywhere you look and you just want to hide in a corner.
I feel strongly that women (traveling or otherwise) should take a personal defense course. Most cities offer them for either free or very low cost. Some men will quietly chuckle at the idea of such a course, but the things they teach are downright wicked and effective. I know -- my ex-wife made me take the course with her and I was shocked at how brutally effective the moves were. It's nothing like taking a class in karate or the like. It's something to think about, anyway...
During my school days in Kolkata punishment for eveteasers caught in trams & buses was very harsh. After what used to be called "gono dholai" i.e public thrashing the culprit would be taken to a hair cutting saloon. As a part of social service the barber would shave half of the head of the perpetrator for free. Next would be the hunt for some rope and a cardboard. The miscreant's hands would be tied and what he did would be written on the carboard and hung from his neck. Dully attired he would then be let loose.
Oh, I'm afraid it's a common fantasy among males and perpetrated in the movies even -- that "See, she (the b*tch) somehow liked it."
(And this does actually get used as a defense -- did the woman show any signs of arousal, or even just a come-on, indeed? As in said famous bending over to open your car door or so.)
You should study rape scenes in the cinema. Save for some honest exceptions, it's not very heartening.
I think Straw Dogs is known to have one of the most brutal scenes in the field, or at the time (and in mainstream cinema) -- and still, the woman's role remains remarkably passive and ambiguous.
Much more recently, Naked likewise depicted otherwise thinking and capable women somehow completely passive and unable to do anything about their situation. Just ridiculous I thought. I mean the situation is plausible (and it's otherwise not a bad movie), but so is a kick in the nuts. (It has a lengthy scene on two women being kept in a room and terrorized by the anti-hero, if I recall. Yes, that's two women against one man who doesn't have it all quite together. I mean come on.)
(btw I'm not suggesting such films shouldn't be made or shown of course, far from it. But it calls for critical reflection.)
Anyway, Haylo had by now touched on the reverse issue of boys or men being abused by women though. I know of at least one member here who works with abused people of both sexes, and so regularly has to confront this. Maybe that member will step forward, or not.
Now that I am preparing for a five-week trip with my girlfriend, I'm getting a bit jittery about all the possible groping, brush-ups, etc. I'm worried about being worried over how she is treated. I don't want to become paranoid and overprotective. I've sold the idea of going to India to her, because to me it is special and unique, but am now coming to realize there is a darker side to it that I haven't faced as a male. I'm not the aggressive type and can't really imagine myself retaliating physically if something were to come up, and I'm sure my girlfriend is even less so inclined. It is almost impossible to say beforehand how I or she would react to such a disgusting scenario.
I just feel angry that the world is full of men who don't know how to treat women with respect. I'm just hoping everything will go smoothly...
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hey..sorry i dont want sound regionalistic..but this eve teasing prob seems to be much more in delhi than say Mumbai..many of my female colleagues used to travel back alone after night duty in mumbai but never had any serious probs..what to tell about eve-teasers boss? ask them to stand straigh and give a kick in the rear..they wont learn is another prblm..these perverts..
that was good post
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